#awkward encounters of the 3rd kind

[paper-crab]

To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before

summary: letters to your past crushes get out and its a whole mess, based on the movie/book, yadayada

warnings: swearing, cliché, very rushed

wc: 6914

ignore any grammar mistakes it’s too long for me to reread and if it doesn’t flow smoothly i’m so sorry i rushed it so bad

Writing letters was an emotional release; something healthy to pass the time, and look back on later.

That’s why you’d written a series of letters, spanning from 3rd grade to now- senior year. They were intimate letters, ones you wrote to get your mind off of a crush you’d gained, so when you’d looked for the box to add a new letter and couldn’t find it, you freaked out.

Luckily, younger you was only able to get her hands on two addresses.

Unfortunately, those addresses were the two worst ones you could have gotten. Everybody else had either moved, or come out. They were irrelevant.

Who had gotten the letters, however, were not irrelevant: your school's player, and your best friend's boyfriend. You were fully in panic mode now, how are you supposed to recover from that? You can only contemplate your options for so long before anxiety eats at you. Maybe if you skipped a week or so of school it would blow over.

“Yeah, not happening. Rise and shine.”

You groan. “Dad, you don’t understand. This could ruin my life, I might actually die.”

He doesn’t respond, leaving you to grovel and pick up the pieces of your pride.

In order to avoid your friend's boyfriend, you need to avoid her, which means you’re walking around school alone. You know you’ll need to have that awkward conversation, telling him ‘I liked you when you were just my childhood best friend- those feelings have passed’, but you also know that you are going to avoid it for as long as humanly possible. Asserting yourself was never really your strong suit.

You had grown up next door to her boyfriend, and fell out of touch with him in middle school. While he was blossoming as a social butterfly, you lurked in the background, like a moth drawn to his effervescent light. Like the sun, the light was too hot for you to stay in, and you stopped talking until mid junior year when your friend had reintroduced you.

The other letter, the heartthrob, had been a lot kinder in middle school. You’d heard some not-so-kind stories about him recently though, and they were the exact opposite of the kid, Matt, that you knew.

You hadn’t been particularly close or anything, only exchanging a few words in your 7th grade math class, but you were infatuated with him. When you were younger, he hardly talked, but lacrosse had brought him out of his shell; the shell you’d never managed to crack- or rather the cocoon you’d never emerged from.

Matt probably didn’t know your name, even though you’d boldly signed it in your letter, so you were confident he wouldn’t find you. It’d be just another day for him, hopefully.

Your friend's boyfriend, on the other hand, was constantly with you. He lived right next door to you, and you felt like it was impossible to avoid him. You’d try to get through the school day without an encounter, then lock yourself in your room to never be seen again.

The first couple periods you had? Had gone off without a hitch. Then you hit lunch, and even if you tried, you couldn’t run from your friend forever. She found you, her boyfriend trailing behind.

“I missed you this morning!” She tells you, reaching to give you a hug. You don’t do much but nervously laugh, pulling away from her. “Yeah, I came late.” You lied.

“Ugh I wish, I’m going to get lunch, you coming with?” She says, more to her boyfriend than you. He shakes his head, “I’m good.”

“Alright, be back in a minute!”

“Can we ta-”

You cut him off immediately, nervous laughter coming back. “I have a test to study for, so I’m going to the library, sorry. We’ll catch up later. He knows what you’re doing, but he doesn’t really want to talk about it himself.

After excusing yourself, you make a beeline for the library, seeking a moment of respite. The library turns out not to offer that much solace either, because you see Matt’s two brothers enter, meaning he can’t be far behind. When he rounds the corner, his eyes land on you, lighting up slightly. You see him excuse himself from his brothers, and you immediately stand and run out of there, muttering “Nope, no, no,” under your breath. The sound of you slamming the library door open definitely isn’t quiet.

You can’t help but begin to panic, packing up your things and abruptly running out of the school, through the parking lot, and jumping into your car. If studying wasn’t how you were going to escape the situation, avoiding lunch apparently was. It’s tempting, incredibly so, to skip the rest of your day, but you know you’d be in so much trouble. You can’t handle that right now.

You head back in and continue your day, just praying, wishing, dreaming that you won’t encounter the two people you don’t want to see most- but now you’re seeing them out of the corner of your eye in every passing period; and you can’t even confide in the one person you most want to.

The school day ending feels like your saving grace. You’re exhausted, mentally and physically, from running away from your friend and her boyfriend, and narrowly avoiding Matt didn’t help.

You walk out of the school, into the parking lot towards the direction of your car, ready to be done with the day.

In highschool, you’re never done.

Your friend's boyfriend is leaning against your car, looking around for you, arms crossed. You make a sharp left, in the direction of the lacrosse field and bleachers. You’re not really thinking about it when you do it, it’s just the closest shelter, other than walking back in the hellhole that is the school.

You make your way onto the bleachers mindlessly, trying not to think about the events of today. You set your backpack next to you, not realizing there’s an unexpected guest making his way up to the top of the bleachers where you sat.

“Hi.” You jump, startled by the sudden voice as he sits next to you. You recognize that voice, obviously, so you flinch before turning to him. “Y/n, right?”

You nod, not sure how to continue this. There’s a plethora of things he could say, and you’d rather not hear any of them. Matt taps his fingers on the bleachers, waiting for you to acknowledge that he’s said anything; when you realize you nod.

“Look,” he starts, and that’s never a good sign, “Your letter was really kind and whatever, but I just broke up with my girlfriend. I’m not really ready for anything serious, so if you’re looking for casual-”

“I wrote that in 7th grade.”

“Oh.” He says, scratching his head. “Why’d you send the letter then?” You look to your left, spotting your friend's boyfriend walking towards you, and you panic.

“Kiss me,”

“Okay.” He shrugs, grabbing you. His eyes are closed, but you don’t bother closing yours. You’re a bit busy glancing in the direction of your other victim, and when you watch his face fall as he turns back around, you finally close your eyes. “Not that I’m mad about it, but what just happened?”

“It’s really hard to explain, but you’re not the only one that got a letter. The other person is my best friends boyfriend,”

“Damn. That’s low of you, and I’m not special? My feelings are hurt.” He smiles a little bit, trying to ease your tense expression. “I wrote his before I ever wrote yours, and before they knew each other. I can’t talk to him, though, and if she ever finds out, it'll break her heart.”

“Okay, respect. I gotta get to practice, but I’ll find you tomorrow?”

You want to say no, but you don’t. He did just do you a big favor after all. “Yeah, see you then.”

-

He sticks to his words, finding you in the library the next day. His mouth twists into a grin when he sees you, and he shuffles over holding eye contact with you.

“Hey,” He says, slightly whispering. It might be lunch, but the librarian is still strict. She wants to preserve the quiet atmosphere of the room, in which you can only hear the sound of flipping pages and an occasional murmur. “Mind if I join?” He settles in next to you.

“Uhm.. listen,” You say, launching into a monologue, “about the whole letter thing, It’s, uh, not what it seems. Well it is, but it’s not. I wrote those letters a long time ago, and they don’t reflect my feelings now, and I never meant for them to get out, so, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to drag you into it, and I’m sorry you did, get dragged into it, that is.”

“If you didn’t mean for them to get out, why would you send them?” He questions, tilting his head.

“I didn’t send them.”

“Okay, uhm, who did?”

“I don’t know, but I cannot talk to my friend's boyfriend, like ever.”

He nods, a mixture of concern and confusion evident on his face, like he’s really mulling the situation over.

“So, someone sent those letters behind your back? That’s not cool, dude. Messed up, but I think we can help each other out here, take control of the situation.” A wicked grin takes over his face. If you squint hard enough you can imagine a lightbulb over his head, like he’s had an “aha!” moment. “I have an idea,”

“What do you mean, control?”

“Yeah, control. Think about it, we fake date. You need your friend’s boyfriend off your back, and I need my ex to get jealous and come back to me. Win win, and it gives us a chance to control the narrative.”

“Yeah, I mean… it could work, maybe?” You respond, uncertainty in your tone. “How would it even work?

“I don’t see how it couldn’t.”

“Okay, I guess, but I don’t see how it could be that simple.”

“Yeah, it could. Trust me, we play it smart, manipulate the situation, and we get what we want.”

“Okay, yeah. Let’s do it.”

“You sure about this?” Matt asks, searching your eyes for confirmation.

“Yeah, I mean, you said it best. I can’t talk to him about this, not for a long while, anyways.”

“Sick.”

“So, uhm, what next?”

“What do you mean?”

“Like, rules and stuff?”

“You want rules, you make ‘em’” He shrugs. You grab out a notebook, labeling the top ‘Rules’ in neat handwriting. “Oh, you’re serious.”

“No kissing,” you start writing, and Matt groans.

“If we’re not kissing, how do you expect anyone to believe we’re dating?” You squirm a little bit.

“Matt,” you say in a hushed tone. Heat rises to your cheeks. “I don’t really kiss people,”

“Wait,” he chuckles, trying to make a joke, “was I your first kiss?”

When you don’t answer, he gasps. It almost makes him feel bad, but not enough to apologize. “No kissing then,” he confirms, trying to steer the conversation forward. “What else?”

“No couple-y social media shit,”

“Agreed. We keep it low-key.” He nods. “What about spending time together? How often do we go on dates, and are we hanging out all the time?”

“I don’t know, maybe like, once a week? And I don’t wanna be around your friends all the time.”

“You don’t want to be around yours either,” he points out.

“Fair point. Once a week, I hang out with you?”

“Most days, yeah.”

“Also, no meeting the parents. That makes it too real.” You add.

“Off the table. Oh, I’m not calling you babe or any of that gross shit.” He says. You pale at the thought, literally gagging. “Please don’t, I think I’d throw up.”

“That it?” He laughs at you.

“Uh, yeah, I think so.”

The bell rings. “I’ll walk you to class,”

Your face morphs into confusion. “Why would you do that?”

“To make it seem like we’re really dating..?”

“Oh. Yeah,”

He walks you to class, hugging you when he drops you off. “Meet by the bleachers after school?”

“Yeah,” You say, slightly dazed by his request.

When you walk out of your classroom, you let your mind wander back to his ask, ‘what could he possibly want’ playing through your head. You walk through the front doors, taking a sharp left towards the bleachers; just like yesterday.

You’re not waiting for very long when Matt sneaks up on you, whispering “Boo.” into your ear.

You jump, caught off guard, but that’s besides the point.

“Hey,” he says, putting his hands on your waist.

“What are you doing?”

“People are looking.” He shrugs a little. You’re eager for him to get to the point; the longer you’re away from your bed, the more cozy and inviting it sounds. He clears his throat. “I need your number,”

He’s careful to make it come out as a whisper so surrounding students don’t hear. To them, you’re already a couple.

“And your address, so I can pick you up tomorrow.”

“What?”

“As your boyfriend, I’ll be driving you to school, and home, and I need to pick you up for our date too.”

“Date tomorrow?”

“If you’re free, for the ‘spending time together’ bit,” he says, pulling his hands from your waist and doing air quotes with his fingers.

“I can drive myself,” You tell him, as he grabs his phone out and hands it to you sneakily. You proceed to put your number in, and your address, before handing it back to you.

“You can, but it’s more convincing if we come together.” He murmurs, absorbed in drafting you a message. After a moment, you hear the familiar ping of a notification.

“There,” he grins proudly, showing you the message. “Now it’s official.”

-

The morning sun casts a warm glow on you, making you feel cozy and relaxed, despite the nerves growing. The idea of Matt, and his brothers, coming to pick you up scares you a bit. You fiddle with the strap of your backpack as you wait on your front porch.

When you see a car pull up, you know that’s your cue to start walking down your driveway. Matt hops out, rushing to hug you and open the passenger door for you.

“Doesn’t Chris usually sit there?” You ask quietly, still smiling to keep up the charade. “Yeah, I made him move.” He whispers back before he walks to the driver's seat.

“Good morning,” Nick says, sounding completely done. Chris doesn’t even raise his head, giving you a small wave. “Hi, it’s nice to meet you guys.” You say softly, not wanting to disturb them. You think them going out of their way to pick you up this morning was disturbing enough.

The car ride was a mixture of awkward silence and small talk. Nick and Chris are both too tired to engage much, but Matt is trying his hardest to keep them involved.

You pull up to the school gates after a short while, Matt parks the car. You get out and he walks over to you, joining your hands while you walk in. He gives you a reassuring smile as you walk in, “Don’t worry, they’re not always like this in the morning. I promise it’s not personal.”

You nod, trying your best to offer a smile that comes out faint. “Yeah, I won’t take it personally. Thanks again for the ride, Matt.”

“Of course,”

The second you get into the school, Nick and Chris part ways with you two. You’re still holding hands, you realize, when the murmurs and glances direct themselves towards you. Matt can feel the anxious energy you radiate because of it, so he leans in to whisper in your ear, rubbing the back of your hand with his thumb. “Don’t worry, it’ll blow over soon.”

For all the stories you’d heard about him, you hadn’t expected him to be even half as polite. Maybe it’s because you were faking, you decide.

The rest of the day seems to float by in a blur, but Matt was right; the buzz around your relationship did seem to dissipate the more people saw you together. During lunch, you find yourself next to Matt. You’re doing your best to maintain the facade with his lacrosse friends, Chris among the group.

You can feel the stare of your best friend and her boyfriend though, and it only brings back those feelings of guilt and anxiety. You’re grateful for the distraction of food, though, because it provides you an out from conversations.

You’re not used to basking in the light like this.

As the bell rings, you feel a mixture of relief and apprehension. Matt walks you to your last class, of course, offering you a quick hug before parting ways.

The class passed by slowly as you try to piece together the events of the day. In under a week, you went from a nobody with 3 friends to a somebody dating one of the most popular boys. Fake dating.

When you’re finally dismissed from the shackles of public school, you feel an odd sense of relief. You know it won’t last very long because of your scheduled date tonight, but it’s there nonetheless.

You find Matt waiting outside your classroom, as promised, a smile on his face. He falls into step beside you as you make your way towards his car. The chatter of surrounding students fades into background noise when you’re with him. A cool breeze dances through the air, making you shiver a bit. For a moment, you stayed silent, enjoying the comfort he brought you just by being next to you.

It was reminiscent of middle school; his silence made you comfortable because you weren’t alone.

“Wait, don’t you have lacrosse practice?” You interrupt.

“I take Nick home everyday, I have time to take you too.”

You nod. As you navigate through the sea of juniors and seniors preparing to leave, Matt turns his head towards you. “Hey, you okay?” he asks, concern evident.

“Yeah, yeah,” you nod, offering a chuckle and a hesitant smile, “Just processing the day, you know? It’s kinda weird.”

He nods understandingly, turning his head back towards the car that Nick is already waiting at. The ride to your home feels significantly shorter when you engage in pleasant conversation with Nick and Matt.

Despite the guilt you feel over keeping up this act, the conversation flows genuinely and you find yourself really enjoying it. He pulls into your driveway, putting the car in park and smiling at you.

“Thank you, and thanks for today.”

“No problem, I’ll see you tonight?”

“You bet,” You say, waving goodbye to Nick. You walk into your house and feel like a puddle of goo, every emotion flooding your body in one go. It’s only the second day of pretending, and you’re feeling like a fly stuck in a web of lies.

Despite your conflicting feelings, you begin to get ready for your date, feeling genuine excitement. Even if it’s just as friends, Matt is really pleasant to be around.

Matt: Movie at 7:30?

You: Perfect, see you then.

The hours tick by as you prepare yourself to hang out with him. You hear a knock on your front door that makes you jump. “Dad, I'm going out!” You yell, rushing out to join Matt.

You weren’t expecting him to hug you when you stepped out. There was no one around to keep it up for, but you decided not to question it. “Hi Matt,”

“Hi.” He grins, pulling away from you. “I didn’t buy tickets yet because I wanted you to choose the movie,”

“You didn’t have to do that.” You tell him, heart filled with gratitude. It was a small gesture, yet it immediately made your middle school crush on him come back.

“I feel like you know a lot about me, so I thought you choosing the movie would help me learn something about you.” He said as you pulled into the movie theater parking lot.

“Yeah, I’ll pick.” You giggle at him, hopping out. When you walk in, you’re overwhelmed by the aggressive scent of buttered popcorn. Matt glanced around, beginning to guide you to the ticket counter. “Shit, that’s my ex.”

“It’s cool, play up the pda to make her more jealous,”

His arm wraps around your waist as he leans into you, pretending to whisper something in your ear. When you walk up to the counter, he unwraps his arm for a mere second to grab his wallet.

“Movie?” He asks. You tell him and he nods. “Two tickets please, he hands his ex his card.

“Hi, Matt.” She says, smiling at him. You immediately get possessive vibes that make you feel uncomfortable, but that means the plan is working. “Oh hey,” He smiles lightly, acting nonchalant.

“Who’s this?” You can literally feel the jealousy she's emitting, and it makes you shift in his grasp. “This is my girlfriend, the tickets?”

“Oh, sorry.” She hands him the tickets, making sure to brush his hand while she glared at you. As you walk towards the next counter to buy popcorn, you start laughing. “I don’t think she liked me much.”

“Good, means the plan is working.” He says, going to fish for his wallet again.

“Nuh-uh. My turn.”

“That’s not really how dates work, but nice try.”

It feels like the hours have crept away from you. The movie comes to an end, despite you willing it to last longer. Matt offers you a hand and pulls you up, making sure to hold your hand when you exit the theater. It almost makes your heart flutter; then you remember why he’s doing it.

“So, what did you think of the movie?” He says, offering you his jacket when you step into the brisk air. You smile, feeling fulfillment while you slide his jacket on. “I liked it, thanks for letting me choose. And, um, thanks for tonight. It was… interesting.”

“No problem,” he says, sounding relaxed. “I liked it too. We make a good fake couple, don’t we?”

You continue chatting while you walk to the car, and while he drops you off. Matt gets out to walk you up to your door, genuinely surprising you. “You don’t have to do that.”

“I want to.” He says, offering you another hug. You slide off his jacket and melt into him before handing it back. “Thanks, Matt.”

“See you tomorrow morning?”

You nod.

You close the door behind you, feeling the weight of the day settle into your skin. You’re beginning to ease into the fake relationship; even as the facade gets increasingly complex. You sink into your bed, shifting off to dreamland.

As the week goes on, your arrangement only gets better. You avoid your friend's boyfriend, and he starts getting desperate texts from his ex. By the end of the week, you’re sure he’s close to breaking it off.

When Matt drops you off at home on Friday afternoon, you’re insanely smiley. You feel on top of the world. The day seemed normal enough, for your new normal anyways, but there was an odd air of tension everywhere you went. You knew something was wrong when your best friend landed on your doorstep mere moments later.

She was your best friend for a reason- you trusted her with almost everything, so she didn’t understand why this week, you’d suddenly gone ghost. You normally talked every second of every hour if you could, but this week, your communication had been limited to fleeting glances across the cafeteria, or in the hallway.

You open your front door to find her standing there, eyes ablaze with anger. “Hey.. what’s up?” You say, prompting her to talk and cut through the thick silence.

“Where have you been all week?”

“At school..?”

“No, I mean, where have you been? You avoided me on Monday, and you started dating Matthew Sturniolo out of nowhere; I didn’t even know you were talking! I’ve barely seen you this week and normally we spend all our time together. Something isn’t right.”

You feel like you’re shrinking under her intense gaze. Stammering out an apology isn’t really working for her, or you, because the weight of your fabricated relationship with Matt pinned your tongue. “It’s not like that..”

“Don’t give me that!” She says, glaring at you. “We tell each other everything. Why are you shutting me out now?”

You wrack your brain for an excuse, trying to think of anything to get her off your back when you remember a conversation you’d had with her about Matt. “Look, I know I’ve been unfair to you… but I know you don’t like Matt, and I really do. I’ve been caught up with him, and I didn’t want to tangle you into it because I know you don’t like him.”

“He’s a dick.” She says to you, bluntly. “I don’t think you should be dating him, much less talking to him and ignoring me for him. Haven’t you heard the shit he’s pulled with other girls?”

“Of course I have but-”

“I don’t know who you think you are, but you’re not different. He’s going to leave you in the dust too.”

Her words cut through you, sharp and painful. The truth hovered on the tip of your tongue, but the weight of secrecy still held it down. You didn’t know how to get out of this one. “He’s not like that with me,” you attempt to defend, feeling the tears well up in your eyes. “People change, you know?”

“You’re being naïve, and I hate seeing you like this. Ignoring your best friend for a guy who’s going to hurt you in the end.”

You’re feeling shackled, like you’re in the ocean trying to stay above the surface, but there’s a weight tied to your ankle.

“I appreciate your concern,” you say, voice shaking “but I know what I’m doing. We’re happy together. You say, a feigned smile gracing your lips. Her harsh glare softens. “I trust you. Just, be careful. Okay?”

“Yeah, of course.” You nod, acting like you’re relieved, but the pit in your stomach only deepens as the web of woven lies becomes more intricate. She leaves, and you close the door behind you, sinking down to the floor.

All of this because of some letters.

The sound of a message coming through your phone snaps you out of your contemplation. You glance at it, immediately smiling when you see Matt’s name pop up.

Matt: Hangout tomorrow? Nick and Chris r asking

You: Yeah, what time?

Matt: Noon?

You: I’ll be there

Matt: I’ll pick you up

You heart the message, standing from the floor. When you retire for the night, your friend's warning re-enters your mind. You know she’s right, but the reality of your fake dating thing with Matt tugs you back into its tangled web, as it always does.

Each text from Matt, while making you smile, feels like another string of deceit weaving into a thousand more. It just deepens as time goes on. The lure of his attention and the comfort of the familiarity you feel with him vie against the guilt that gnaws at your conscience.

You’ve realized the gravity of the situation, but the truth remains locked in, barricaded by fear and the entanglements you’ve created. You want to call it off, you’ve wanted to, but you don’t want to risk falling into a chasm of more confrontations- from both your friend, and her boyfriend.

You try to shove it out of your mind so you can sleep though, preparing for your day with Matt tomorrow.

-

When you wake up the next morning, you feel giddy. You put more effort into getting ready than you normally would on a Saturday. Then, there’s a knock on your door and a hug awaiting you. This time, you don’t question if people are around, you just accept it with a grin.

“Nick and Chris wanted to come get you,” He tells you, pulling you down the driveway. Yet again, the front seat is empty for you. The energy of the triplets was infectious, in the best way possible. You immediately found yourself comforted by their presence, the simplicity of just being around them had an inexplicable effect on your already good mood.

The drive feels effortless as you settle into conversation with the group. It reminds you of how uncomfortable you’d been mere days ago, and how much had changed. You kind of frown at the thought, but quickly catch it. Matt’s smile never faltered though, leaving you with an odd sense of melancholy when you’re reminded that it’s all fake.

You can’t help but be surprised by your surroundings when you enter the house. You knew the outside, obviously having known the address, but the inside exceeds all your expectations. Family pictures litter the walls, candles are everywhere. It’s cute.

“Your parents aren’t here, right?” You whisper. “Nope.”

“So, what should we do?” Chris speaks up, cutting through the silence. You shrug in response while Matt and Nick go into deep thought.

“We should bake!”

“Nope.” Matt says at the same time you say “Okay.”

When Matt hears you, he turns in your direction. Seeing your smile at the presented idea, he changes his mind. “Yeah, baking sounds good.”

Nick glances at him skeptically, the switch-up being unusual. When your eyes wander towards Chris, you notice his confusion too.

“Baking it is.” Nick mumbles, leading you to the kitchen.

“Alright, what are we making?” Chris pipes in, pulling out various bowls. “Brownies?” Matt suggests, “I think we have a mix and I don’t wanna run to the store right now.”

“Wait, we’re awful at baking. Why are we baking?” Chris questions, wracking his brain to find the answer.

“It’ll be eventful,” Nick replies.

“If we mess shit up and it gets messy, I’m blaming it on you.”

Nick groans, going to grab the mix and the various ingredients listed on the box. “If you do that, I’m gonna tell mom about that time that you-”

“And that’s enough!” Matt cuts him off, grabbing eggs out of Nick’s hand. He ushers you further into the action of the kitchen, imploring you to get comfortable.

“You bake a lot?” He asks, smiling.

“Not really,” You admit, laughing at the commotion surrounding you. It’s fascinating to you how those around you have become such an integral part of your everyday life in the week you’d known them, despite only being in your circle for under a week.

You know your relationship with Matt is false- how could you not? You remind yourself constantly, but these new relationships you’d forged because of Matt? Some of the realest ones you’d ever experienced.

A crack snaps you out of your thoughts, followed by a millisecond of silence. “Chris!” Nick yells, looking at the fallen egg.

“How is this my fault?!” Matt finds himself laughing with you.

The brownies turn out so horribly burnt you’re not even sure if you can call them brownies anymore, and the mess is colossal, but even when Matt drops you off you only have good things to say about, and to, the group.

“Thank you,”

“Of course. I’ll pick you up on Monday?”

“See you then.” You say, waving to Nick and Chris.

The next couple weeks go by so smoothly, you almost forget you’re acting. They’re relatively the same as the first, save for more interactions with your friend. Being with Matt and his brothers, and even his friends, feels natural. Your weeks become more routine, and the plan is working. Matt’s ex is obviously getting more green as time goes on, and your friend's boyfriend won’t even spare you a passing glance.

By your one-month ‘anniversary’, you’re almost 100% sure you two are in the clear. You’re waiting at home for Matt to pick you up, excited to be with him, but feeling a pit on your stomach nonetheless. When you hear the now-familiar knock on your door, you can’t help but run to answer it.

“Hi Matt,”

“Hi.” He smiles and reaches out to hug you, like normal, but the smile doesn’t meet his eyes in the way it usually does. It’s missing its charm. He guides you to the car, sure to open the passenger door for you, but the gesture is missing its usual warmth. He takes you to this cute diner, one that you’ve mentioned in a passing conversation, but the earlier apprehension you felt only grows stronger.

When you sit down, you finally decide you can’t take it anymore. “Is something wrong, Matt?”

“Not wrong, really. My ex wants me back. She texted me the other night,”

“Oh,” Is all you can say, trying to force a smile to your face. “That’s good.”

“Yeah,” He says. You’re not sure if you’re grasping at straws, but you feel like he sounds like he’s trying to convince himself too. “Do you think you’re okay to break this off?”

“Uhm, yeah. I think my friend’s boyfriend is leaving me alone.” You nod at him, looking everywhere but his face. “Should we just go?”

He can’t argue with that, so instead of getting that cute little dinner date you were promised, you’re sitting back in Matt’s car in silence as he drives you home. The atmosphere felt heavy. You’re stopped at a red light when you finally glance over at him for the first time this entire ride back. He’s tapping his fingers on the steering wheel, a nervous tic you’d never noticed before, while his eyes are set on the traffic lights.

“I’m sorry,” He finally says, the second the light turns green.

“For what?” You reply, trying to keep your voice steady.

“For coming up with this idea. It was stupid and I shouldn’t have-”

“Don’t be sorry, Matt. I knew what I was getting into when I agreed. It wasn’t stupid; it did what we wanted it to do.”

He nodded, but your gaze lingered on him. You could see the mixture of guilt and gratitude swirling through his eyes. “At least it’s over, right? We manipulated the situation.” You say, trying to bring up the mood. You’re trying not to make something of nothing, but his mood seems just as melancholic as yours. “At least it’s over.”

When the car reaches your house, Matt can’t find it in himself to move, to walk you to your door. He hears your seatbelt click, signaling that you’re taking your leave.

“See you around?”

“See you around, Matt.”

When you exit the car, a bittersweet realization washes over Matt. This isn’t what he wanted. He grips the steering wheel, hurriedly putting his car into reverse. He can’t linger any longer, or he’ll make a rash decision and run back to you. He wanted his ex back, and now that’s what he’s getting.

The next day, you wake up with absolutely zero pep in your step. You drag yourself out of bed, drag yourself into your car, and drag yourself through the halls in the morning. The entire world seems more quiet without Matt next to you; your steps echo in your ears. You catch glimpses of familiar faces, but today, they seem almost alien. It makes you wish you’d never left your bed. By lunch, everybody knows something is wrong. Your spot by Matt’s side has been reclaimed by his ex girlfriend. You don’t miss the pitying looks his friends give you, especially Nick and Chris.

You never realized how humiliating it’d be when people saw that Matt left you for his ex.

You settle in your old spot, across from your best friend and her boyfriend, trying to make the whole thing feel natural. It doesn’t.

The whispers and glances you’re receiving from others feel like needles pricking at your already unsettled emotions, and your friend’s compassionate eyes don’t make you feel any more comfortable.

“Matt’s a jerk. I hate him.” She tells you, and it hurts your heart a bit.

“I don’t.” You reply, voice barely above a whisper, the weight of the situation pressing on you. She winces at you defending him, but rebounds. There’s a strong desire to call him every name in the book, but resorts to saying “I can't believe he would do that to you.”

You want to tell her the truth, the lies of the situation having weighed heavy on your mind, but you know that’d defeat the purpose. You thought that when you’d ended the relationship, the entanglement of fibs you’d found yourself in would unravel, but you feel as though they’d only gotten more complicated. “You told me he would.” You say, pushing your school lunch around. She winces again.

“I’m here for you.”

“Thank you.”

When Matt stands next to his ex, who all his friends tell him is a catch, he can’t help but feel empty. His eyes wander away from his table, landing on you. Memories flood back, a mixture of genuine and orchestrated moments swirling within his mind. He’s completely dipped out of the conversation his friends are having, his grip on his new-old girlfriend's waist weakening as he thinks of you.

He catches the slightest glimpse of your eyes, one that you immediately divert; a mixture of confusion and hurt sprinkled within. A pant of guilt hits him, but he tries to forget about it as he turns back to the conversation presented to him.

“What’s gotten into you dude?” Someone asks. Matt shrugs, trying to stay involved. His eyes wander back to you, and then over to Chris, who mouths “Get her back.” at him.

He tries to pretend like he didn’t see that. He has what he wants, his girlfriend, and you have what you want, maybe.

He knows one thing: he doesn’t like the hole your absence has left in his daily routine.

The week comes and goes, Friday night rolling around and the pain of losing each other doesn’t go away. Matt’s battling himself internally to convince himself that both you and him are happier apart; he knows that’s not true. You’re fighting with yourself constantly to not spill your guts to someone, pressure that you had shared with him before the fake, but impossibly real split, weighing on you. It’s past midnight by the time your wandering mind calms enough for you to sleep.

At this point, Matt’s drafted up about 4 text messages to you, and none of them convey what he’s truly wanted to say. He called it off already with his ex-ex girlfriend. The moment she’d started badmouthing you in front his friends put a sour taste in his mouth; that, and he’d realized he was searching for you in every one of their interactions.

He’s restless, consumed by thoughts of longing for your presence. In the silence of the night, he’s grabbing his keys and heading. You think you’re imagining it when you’re awoken by the stall of an engine, but you’re forced to confront the taps on your window.

As you slowly approach the window, pulling back the curtain, you're confronted by Matt’s anxious gaze, illuminated by the faint, cool glow of the moonlight. You rush downstairs, barely stopping to slide a hoodie and some shoes on. The mix of emotions you feel are mirrored in his expression- a blend of nervousness, vulnerability, and longing. With the weight of unspoken words hanging between you, he opens his arms, pulling you in for a warm hug. He’s worried you won’t hear him out, desperate to express what he wanted to tell you in his unsent messages, but his desire to hold you far outweighs his uneasiness.

“I couldn’t keep lying to myself, and you.” He says, face buried in your neck. “I’ve been lost without you, and I can’t pretend I’m happier this way. I miss us, even if it wasn’t real.” His voice contains traces of sincerity, regret, and insecurity, but he feels a sense of strong relief take over at his admission. “I know it was fake- it started out fake- but I’m in love with you now.”

His honesty resonates as his eyebrows unfurrow, his entire body relaxing, and the weight that’s been dragging you to the bottom of the ocean is shed. Rather than sinking, you’re floating peacefully above the soft waves. You pull away from him, your anxieties dissipating like mist under the moonlight. The depth of his words stir an array of emotions within you: astonishment, relief, and a spark of hope. You search his calm eyes, being practically slapped in the face by his sincere and loving expression.

You can’t help but kiss him, seeing the way the moon puts an ethereal glow on his gestures. “I missed us too,” You start, in a soft voice. The air between you is finally cleared. “and I love you too.”

“Can we date, for real this time?” Matt blurts out, going to kiss you again. He feels intoxicated, your second-ever kiss not being a fraction of enough to sate his ever-growing hunger.

You might have started as a fraud, but somewhere along the way, when the tides shifted and your world changed, you emerged from your cocoon, into a glorious and charismatic butterfly.

“If you’ll have me as your girlfriend, for real this time.”

He kisses you again.

[huelovening]

stupid with love

hueningkai x fem! reader

summary: the boy in your calculus class is so cute! but you get awkward when trying to talk to him and it doesn't help that he's your friends ex either. what do you do?

wc: 1208

you really tried to make a move on him, really. but somehow you didn't have enough courage, as you keep telling yourself, "maybe he will notice me first!!"

well, it was kind of true. on october 3rd he even asked you what day it was.

"hey, what day it is?" he turned around, looking at you with his beautiful, big, brown eyes, if you looked even closer, you could see the entire milky way in his eyes.

love sick y/n stuttering out a small "it's october 3rd." your new favorite day.

after first confessing your little crush on huening kai to your newfound friends, they quickly made it known that he was off limits, being wonyoung's ex boyfriend. still, you were allowed to look at him right?

everyday when you would walk into your shared class with him, you would do only what you were permitted to do, ogle the pretty boy sitting in front of you. you hoped that he'd talk to you but you didn't actually expect it! so when he turned around at the end of the class instead of immediately leaving like he usually does, it was a shocker.

"hey y/n, me and my friends are throwing a small party this weekend, i'm not really a party guy, so i'd enjoy your company. will i see you there?"

"yeah! of course.. totally!" you didn't mean to sound THAT excited but who could blame you?

after that you rushed home right away, trying to throw cute outfits together and thinking about how to do your hair. you didn't tell your friends about your encounter with kai, maybe it was better that way.

the day of the party came withing the blink of an eye and you couldn't be more excited. after a final look in the mirror, you decided you were ready and left the house excitedly. at your arrival you were greeted by yeonjun, he was one of kai's bestfriends, his house was pretty big, which was the reason most parties were always hosted at his house. the faint smell of alcohol entered your nostrils quickly, you weren't sure if you were actually about to drink tonight, the idea of it never seeming very appealing to you. maybe you would just look for kai first.

you walked around the big living room eyes scanning for the brunette boy, stumbling across a few drunk bodies. gosh, were you just late or do these people get drunk within 5 minutes? everything about this party was overwhelming, the huge house, the amount of people, the reek of various alcoholic drinks. where was kai?

"y/n! i didn't know we'd see you here!" you turned around, to see sullyoon, one of your shared friends with wonyoung and yuna.

"oh, hi sullyoon! i got invited by this guy, not sure. but i'm glad to see you, are the others here too?" you lied about the fact that kai had invited you, you couldn't risk loosing your friends but at the same time you liked him too much to resist him.

"yeah actually, i think wony went to talk to kai, they seemed really close earlier and yuna is just grabbing more drinks for us" she innocently smiled at you.

what. why would she talk to him? they broke up for a reason, now you weren't sure what to do. do you start looking for them or just pretend this never happened and go home?

you decided on the first option, it wasn't hard to not see wonyoung, wherever she was there would be a bunch of people trying to hit on her. she had so many options why does she feel the need to go back to him?!

you said your goodbyes to sullyoon, telling her you would try to talk to the guy who invited you, which wasn't exactly a lie.

you continued to roam around the house, seeing two familiar faces, talking to eachother, they didn't exactly appear to be having a friendly chat. you observed as she tried to get closer to him, batting her eyelashes at him and you could agnize the discomfort in his eyes, watching him run off.

you don't know what possessed you in that moment but you went to follow his steps. he definitely knew his way around, as he went from corridor to corridor, walking up what seemed like thousands of stairs, until you arrived at some sort of balcony.

he opened the door, you had expected him to close it behind him. but he held it open.

"why are you following me?"

you stayed silent at that, looking at him signalling for you to come outside with him and sit on the expensive chairs the balcony's been equipped with. "are you okay?" you dared to ask, not quite sure what to talk about in this kind of situation.

"i don't know. wonyoung tried to win me back again, using all kind of excusing for leaving me the last time. i'm not attracted to her anymore but it just hurt. i don't want anything to do with her." he confessed to you, honestly filling his voice, like he had some sort of point to prove to you.

you sighed, you haven't known her that long but knew that when she wanted something, her mind was set on it. "she can be a huge deal, i know. i don't think she will leave you alone that fast but it's best to just ignore her, it's the only way to get her to stop. and then, it will be all good!" you tried your best to cheer him up, and he looked up at you, smiling at your enthusiasm.

"you're right, i will be okay" he chuckled. "but.. to be honest, i'm just scared that she'll try to hurt you. i'm sorry to talk about this, since it must be embarrassing for you but she mentioned your crush on me. now that i rejected her she will try to get rid of you, thinking it will do something."

"oh.. wait, so you know? i-.." embarrassment filled your body to the brim, how the hell were you supposed to look at him now?? your first instinct was to stand up, but he went to stop you. "y/n, it's okay. i like you too and i think, if we really try this out we can make it work. what do you think hm?" he hopefully asked. you looked at his hand caressing your's, beginning to smile again.

"i think.. we can do this." you giggled. the moonlight hit you perfectly, enhancing your facial features and kai couldn't help but stare. "w-what's wrong? do i have something on my face, god i keep embarrassing mys-"

"y/n, can i kiss you?"

you thought you would faint at that moment. his eyes reflecting the stars, attentively looking at you, waiting for your response.

you believed you forgot how to speak right now, desperately nodding for him to do what he indicated.

his lips meet yours and oh, how soft they were, it felt like it lasted an eternity and you didn't want it to stop, and kai felt the very same way. as the kiss stopped kai smiled at you.

"let's do this."

[grandwitchbird]

I touched on some thoughts on adaptation especially re: Nilfgaard and the political plot in the Witcher games previously. Mostly that was so I could tackle the convergent narrative that emerges across the games as a mirror or homage to the novels. To do that I have to talk about romance choices in Witcher 3. And to do that I have to talk about Triss. Buckle up.

TW: discussion of SA, nongraphic but frank

The first game specifically created some significant problems for 2-3. And no matter how I turn the issues around in my head, it really comes down to Triss. The amnesia plot is a silly contrivance, but so was Yennefer’s prison stint in the novels. If the contrivance does the job and gets a character where they need to be or out of the way for good enough reasons, we roll with it. The first game over-all has some interesting ~stuff~ happening as an rpg, but I’ve realized I mentally have it categorized as a Witcher-flavored rpg that mostly the next two games have to account for, for better or worse. It gets at some of the short stories’ charms but misses the weight of the novels. Intentionally I think. I guess we’ll see if that changes with the remake. Still, we can think of this as the kind of awkward prelude, a dip into the world in the same way the stories provide snippets of Geralt’s life before Ciri’s story really kicks off in the novels.

The second game is a bridge between this kind of standalone homage to the stories and the 3rd game’s homage and epilogue to the novels. It suffers for it. And Triss is right in the middle of that.

The Triss Problem

Triss Merigold, Yennefer’s best friend, sometime-mentor to Ciri, friend to Witchers, Geralt’s rapist. That’s the woman the first game decided could be sacrificed on the altar of characterization so Geralt could have a random red-headed love interest.

In the novels, Triss is a young sorceress with a complex about her friend Yennefer. She’s a coward. She’s sweet. She’s manipulative. She’s deeply insecure. Shes very into Witchers. She’s also a powerful mage and a pretty solid teacher and support to her Witcher friends and Ciri. Her arc in the books sees her facing herself and eventually growing a spine.

Along the way, however, she essentially magic-roofies Geralt when he’s in an off-again phase with Yennefer. He represses so hard he’s kind of just weird around Triss forever. Nobody else knows. We know why these two don’t address it. Triss is a coward and Geralt is king of repressing. It’s horrible. It’s also notably nongraphic and well-written, centered entirely on the abuse of power and trust and what that does to Geralt.

The Triss we leave behind in the novels would never repeat that choice, I think. Or any choice like it. She went and she changed on her own for her own reasons. The Triss we encounter in the second game is very much doing a retread of her novel arc. But now it’s worse because she’s literally used Geralt’s amnesia to act out her fantasy of supplanting Yen, everything is reasonably graphic, and everything after does kind of stem from the abuse of power.

In a way, I think this is the game owning the mistake while trying not to punish non-reader players for it. No matter what the player does, these two split. Geralt will go after Yennefer. Things will be weird in the 3rd game. Geralt gets back in character and being in character for him means repressing and being weird around Triss. He can’t blame her. She’s his friend. It’s painful to watch. Time is a circle I guess.

Yennefer of Vengerberg

Part elven, invisibly disabled, over a century old, absolute menace of a woman. Yennefer is mean. She’s petty. She scares the hell out of Geralt’s friends. She’s the best friend anyone could ever ask for and also intimidating as hell. She causes problems wherever she goes. This is not an rpg love interest. She is the only woman for Geralt though. And it’s obvious. The 3rd game can’t and doesn’t avoid the obvious ‘canon’ nature of this relationship. It does try to counterweight canon a bit for RP by resetting the sense of conflict and how other characters react to the relationships.

In 2, Dandelion’s narration characterizes the relationship with Yennefer as “toxic.” This goes along with the overall reset and retread the games are doing for characterization beats. In the books, we were well past this version of Dandelion. We see the same thing play out in 3 where everyone and their uncle has to weigh in on how hard Yen is to deal with and how nice Triss is. This is probably handled as well as possible. Eskel’s exasperation with the dynamic, where Geralt can actually clarify and push back, is reasonable. Vesemir is likewise just kind of put off by Yen, which is fair enough. And you essentially have to ignore Yen’s quest entirely or actively treat it as purely a gameplay mechanic to break the romance off at all. The question isn’t whether Geralt and Yen are together, it’s whether or not they can move forward. This is contrasted to all of the pressures towards Triss coming from her own desperate manipulations and people who don’t understand anything about the history the two share.

Time is a Circle:

Recreating the Convergent Narrative

At the end of 2, we find out that Yen is essentially a prisoner again (hello Vilgefortz lol) and we set out to find her. This is where W3 opens more or less. We’re tracking a Yen who has since written to Geralt and is on the run. We don’t yet know from what. She, of course, finds us instead. And we find out that Ciri is back and on the run herself. Now we’re really doing a speed run of the novels. How many times can this family separate and miss and lose each other before they find each other again. Yennefer is off to Skellige (again) and Geralt is doing a (one man this time) road trip and playing detective. Ciri is being the protagonist of a much crazier mythic story, with space elves once again causing her all kinds of problems and a tyrant trying to claim her power for himself. Time is truly a circle.

Somehow, the games have pulled all of this together in 3 via rp options for Geralt. You can play as book!Geralt and stay on theme. This will ultimately lead to the Witcher ending where Ciri takes over as not just protagonist of her own story but as the Witcher herself. This closes out the convergent narrative the game has been recreating and sets them up to carve out their own stories in future. Or you can deny your role. You can rp a random-rpg!Witcher hero and lose Ciri forever, one way or another.

All that said. The Triss Problem(tm) is a problem. It’s the biggest, most glaring flaw in the series to this day, and we’d probably all be better off if that had really been some random redhead in the first game. 3 gets some serious credit here for Geralt just being generally weird around her again, but the rp demands to counterweight the pull of canon with Yen have done nothing but confuse non-readers and frustrate readers. Narrative conveniences are fine. The Hunt becoming a plot device works to pull the mythic layer of storytelling back in, and it gives everything a solid motivation. Regis being back just stretches the lore a bit and serves a great story. The political plots can be a bit of a sticking point but flesh out the game world. We can even forgive amnesia. But The Triss Problem(tm) is forever.

Honestly, as a reader, I kind of respect the skill involved in reworking the arcs and the commitment to not just cutting Triss out after the first game. I also appreciate the effort made to bring these characters back to essentially their book-selves and to give game-Geralt a final hurrah without just wiping the slate. It shows a certain amount of integrity in the writers room that I think we’ve since seen confirmed with the additions to Cyberpunk 2077, where they committed fully to the night city experience and doubled down on it in phantom liberty.

[scotianostra]

On July 3rd 1844 the last pair of Great Auks were killed.

I sometimes get a nose, or in this case a beak, for history and this story took my interest when I found it on Wiki a number of years ago.

Now the two Auks mentioned above were killed on Eldey off Iceland. It was from here I searched for more details and found out the story of the last Great Auk in Scotland.

In June of 1840, three sailors hailing from the Scottish island of St. Kilda landed on the craggy ledges of a nearby sea stack, known as Stac-an-Armin. As they climbed up the rock, they spotted a peculiar bird that stood head and shoulders above the puffins and gulls and other seabirds.

The scruffy animal’s proportions were bizarre—just under three feet tall with awkward and small wings that rendered it flightless, and a hooked beak that was almost as large as its head. Its black and white plumage had earned it the title the “original penguin,” The Great Auk is a lost part of the biogeography of the British Isles and the only flightless bird that has bred in Europe in historical times.

The sailors watched as the bird, waddled clumsily along. Agile in the water, the unusual creature was defenceless against humans on land, and its ineptitude made it an easy target “Prophet-like that lone one stood,” one of the men later said of the encounter.

Perhaps the men enjoyed the thrill of the hunt, or perhaps they realised its meat and feathers were incredibly valuable. In any case, they abducted the bird, tying its legs together and taking it back to their ship. For three days, the sailors kept the Great Auk alive, but on the fourth, during a terrible storm, the sailors grew fearful and superstitious. Condemning it as “a maelstrom-conjuring witch,” they stoned it to death. And that was that!

It was the last of its kind to ever be seen on the British Isles. Four years later, the Great Auk vanished from the world entirely when fishermen hunted down the last pair on the shores of that Icelandic Isle.

The description by the men hired to hunt down the last Auks in the would is a sad one;

A trio of men, hired by a merchant who wanted specimens, cornered the last pair on Eldey. One crushed their egg with his boot. Then the adults were killed. “I took him by the neck,” said one of the men of the last bird, “and he flapped his wings.”

“He made no cry. I strangled him.”

And that was that an entire species was no more by man, the most destructive species that planet Earth has ever spawned.

[dantegreaves00]

Hell-A Love part one

Dead Island 2 x FtM Reader

Five years before the zombie outbreak that turned LA into Hell-A, Y/N left his sisters place after an argument with her husband.

Now he's back, why even he doesn't know. His sister has new friends who are immune to the virus, and her ex Sam B is back on the scene. After being hurt by LA and Hollywood before can Y/N find a home with his sister again and possibly a lover?

A huge thank you to my good friend @brunos-wife360 for helping me out with this and for allowing me to take inspiration from her Slayer x Reader fics.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

●●3rd Person POV●●

The day started out like any other day in Hell-A, the slayers, Sam, Michael and Emma where hanging out by Emma's pool enjoying the sun on a rare day off from zombie killing.

"Hey Emma, I forgot to ask you earlier but where's your brother?" Sam asked as he wrapped his arm around her shoulders.

"Last I knew, he was in New York, but that was years ago" Emma said, her eyes glossy with uncertainty.

Sam looked at the woman he loved most in disbelief before asking "What happened to him living with you?"

"Robert happened, he started saying some nasty things about Y/N so he left" Emma responded "yeah he ended up at mine one night and asked if I could help him find a place away form Hollywood" Michael added.

Suddenly there was a bang at the gate. Everyone shot to their feet readying themselves for a fight to protect their safe haven.

"I'll go check" said Carla as she started to approach the gate that separated them from the undead hoard that roamed the streets.

Just as Carla reached the gate a man catapulted himself over the gate, landing hard on his left shoulder.

The man looked up at Carla and smiled with a grimace "would you believe me if I said that I used to do my own stunts?" The man asked with a pained chuckle.

"Who are you?" Carla asked, her weapon raised ready to strike if needed. Drawn in by the commotion, the others cautiously made their way over to the pair.

Emma gasped when her eyes landed on the stranger before turning her attention to her PA.

"Michael, please go and tell Andrea that she needs to go and double clean Y/N's room" she said. Without needing to be told twice Michael left to inform their housekeeper.

"Ha, no way man, I can't believe it's actually you, speak of the Devil and he appears" Sam laughed.

"Wait you know him?" Asked Bruno as Emma walked towards Carla and the man.

"Well Sam, you said it yourself, no room in Hell" the man said before turning his attention to Emma who was now standing in front of him. "Hey Em, how you be..?" He was suddenly cut off by Emma slapping him.

"You stupid arse! What are you doing here?" She exclaimed readying herself to slap more sense into her brother.

"I feel like I'm missing something, Emma who is he?" Asked a very confused Dani.

"This twat is my younger brother Y/N" Emma responded before pulling her brother to his feet, "brother mine, this is Jacob, Amy, Dani, Bruno, Ryan and the one pointing her weapon at you is Carla"

"Hi" Y/N said with a nervous wave, "Do you think you could be so kind as to lower your weapon Carla? I'd feel better knowing that I won't end up like Glenn Rhee after his encounter with Negan" Y/N asked with an awkward smile.

●●Y/N's POV●●

After that very awkward encounter with my older sister, her ex? boyfriend and their new friends I was ushered inside where I was met with a hug from Andrea "I've been making sure that your room is nice and clean for you, although you must be starving, why don't you go and rest and I will have your favourite dish ready" after thanking her I went down the stairs to my room.

It didn't take long before I fell asleep, though it wasn't peaceful at all. The rotting faces of the zombies that chased me all the way to my sister's kept flashing into view as I slept, but they were disorganised and staticy like an old Romaro movie. Suddenly, I was jolted awake by a hand shaking me. When I opened my eyes, Emma was stood next to me, a plate of food in her hands.

"Andrea was going to bring this to you, but I told her that I would instead" she said answering my unspoken question.

We sat in silence for a while, the atmosphere was tense between us; before I left, before Robert came about, me and my sister could sit in silence for hours without needing to do anything else, but now I found myself counting the lines in the wooden door.

"Y/N, why did you come here?" Emma asked me after what felt like years of nothingness.

"I was in the area and needed a place to crash, I thought you, Michael and Robert would be already out of LA by now" I replied, only half telling the truth, "Where is Mr Steel anyway and why is Sam here?" I asked her.

"Robert got bitten, didn't tell anyone and turned on our evacuation flight causing the military to shoot us down. Sam showed up by bursting through the storage door in the game room and well, we've decided to give it another go" Emma explained while pacing the floor of my room.

"You don't seem very upset about Rob..""Our marriage wad just PR, you know this" again I'm cut off by my older sister.

Emma took a moment to calm down before she spoke again "I'm sorry that I let him say what he said to you, when you left I decided to give you a couple of days to calm down before asking you to come home, but then Michael told me that you had asked him to help you find a new place to live".

"To be completely honest with you, Ems.. I needed to get out of LA away from Hollywood anyway. My argument with Robert just gave me the excuse to leave, " I told her.

"Why, what do you mean by th..?""I mean Hollywood wasn't the right place for someone like me, Emma, you and I both know that" This time it was my turn to cut her off. Getting up, I headed for the door when my sister called out to me, "Y/N, where are you going?" Without answering her, I left my room and headed to the one person I could talk to.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tag list

@brunos-wife360

@morgana-artt

@amdaspoon

[swaps55]

About (writing) Horizon

@painterofhorizons asked me to go into more detail about this post, in which I whinged about the logistical complexities I was running into while drafting Horizon for Mezzo. I proceeded to write a dissertation on the topic, so here is my Ted Talk for anyone who has some time to kill. I kept it as spoiler free as possible. :D

Not surprisingly, I’ve got a number of challenges to deal with to get this scene to have the emotional impact I want it to have, but the one I referenced in that post has mostly to do with what I refer to as setting the chess board. It’s something I do for combat scenes, or scenes where the setting plays any kind of important role in understanding where characters are in relation to one another, or when I just have too many characters in one place. Ideally, before I write the scene, I lay out in my head: what does the setting look like, and who is where?

For fight scenes, this is important so I understand what combat will look like, and so I won’t lose track of anyone during the scene. How many enemies are there? Who is taking on who? What limitations or advantages does the setting provide to influence the action? How can I use that to provide characterization or advance a character arc? Etc. In the case of Horizon, the issue isn’t the combat: it’s understanding where people start and how they get from one place to another.

Here’s the challenge: I have 3, and eventually 4 groups of people or person. Let’s call them A, B, C, and D.

A and B are in very separate locations.

C joins the fray in a 3rd location that cannot be near A or B.

A, B, and C are all aiming to reach the same location: the AA gun.

C cannot encounter A or B, which means A & B must reach the AA gun via different routes than C.  

D separates off from C, and must encounter B but not A.

C needs to arrive first, then B, then A, then D.

Simple, right? D:

So instead of the chess board dictating the flow of action, I need to set the chess board in a way to facilitate the scene as I need it to play out. This means the basic layout from the game isn’t sufficient, because it’s too linear, and provides only 1 “entrance” to the area where the AA gun are, and I need two different routes to get there.

Now, am I going to waste a lot of time painstakingly explaining to the reader the layout of Horizon? No. That’s boring, and the reader doesn’t need it. But I need to know it well enough and establish it well enough that even if the reader isn’t backchecking my logic, they trust that I have not dragged them into an MC Escher painting. I don’t want people to stop and wonder, “wait, where the fuck did B come from?” in the middle of a high stakes, high adrenaline scene.

The other logistical issue I have is a very clumsy POV handoff. I do not like putting in a scene break just to switch POVs and continue the exact same scene you were just in, but there is a crucial moment where a POV handoff has to happen as a new character arrives on scene and takes over POV duties from someone who is already present. My options are:

Do the entire scene from the first POV and don’t switch. But this would completely alter the impact of the scene and shut me out of accessing some pretty critical information that only the new POV character will have.

Do the thing I don’t like: put a scene break in the middle of the scene, end the first ‘scene’ on a dramatic moment that feels like the close of a scene before jumping back in with the new character.

Do the scene break, but back up a few minutes before the new POV character arrives on scene. This does two helpful things: creates a fresh scene and minimizes the awkward handoff, while giving me a chance to fill in some of the logistics to avoid the, “where the fuck did this person come from??” problem. Because while I know where they come from, there isn’t a good opportunity for me to communicate it to the reader otherwise. Originally this is what I planned to go with, but when I got there, I changed my mind. The problem with this is that it kills the tension and feels like a bait and switch: get the reader to the moment they have been waiting for, then pull the rug and back up a few steps. The last thing I want in this chapter is for the reader to be frustrated by the way I am telling the story.

End the chapter on the POV switch and move the Big Moment to a new chapter. I don’t love this either, because it feels like a cliffhanger for the sake of a cliffhanger – if not for the POV shift, it wouldn’t occur to me to break the chapter here. While I do love it when people yell at me for things, getting yelled at for this particular cliffhanger would feel cheap and manipulative rather than earned, if that makes any sense.   

Option 2 is best for the story, but it leaves me with this clumsy POV handoff that I still don’t like.

Now, on top of all the logistical complexities, I still have the other layers of this chapter: the sheer emotional complexity of it, which causes additional logistical issues. This is some of what I am trying to juggle:

Convey scene setting through the eyes of characters who are not paying a lick of attention to their surroundings because they are preoccupied or distressed by other events.

Telegraph Sam’s distress and anxiety through the eyes of someone who does not have enough context for it. This is further complicated by it being very likely this character would have more context than I would prefer them to have, so now I have to work with that in a way that feels right for the character and right for the story. Too often, supporting characters get shoehorned into plot in ways that does them a disservice, so I try to take the approach that the POV character is now the main character in THEIR story. My job is to get their priorities and motivations to circle back and support the plot while also serving their own interests. Sometimes this is very hard.   

Portray Kaidan, a character known for thinking things through, as someone being extremely (and understandably) reactive in a high stakes and very personal moment while still feeling like Kaidan. He cannot be thinking straight, and he would not be thinking straight, but I have to sell that to the reader and make them believe it.

Not losing track of every other character in the scene,while also not having them interrupt the flow of the scene. If you are familiar with Arrested Development, imagine the scenes in which the camera focuses on two characters having a VERY private discussion, only to zoom out and reveal they are surrounded by a much larger, captive audience. That keeps happening in this scene, ha. These characters are not the focus of the scene, but they are still present, and therefore the reader needs to be aware of where they are and what they’re doing so they don’t seem to magically appear out of thin air when they do or say something.    

So how do I put all of these pieces together? Well, it’s still in progress, so I don’t have a success story yet, but the emotional thumbtacks come first. The whole point of the scene is something I have been dying to write for years. All the details and logistics that ultimately make it work are just in the way when all I can think about is the Big Confrontation, so I just spit it out, even if it’s mostly just broad strokes, because once it’s out there I can actually think about the rest. Now I can go back through and chip away at the logistics, create a deeper and richer narrative for the POV characters, turn the volume up on the side characters who play a smaller role, and sharpen the knives so those emotional moments really land in a meaningful, gut wrenching way. Doing all of this will inevitably reshape the manner in which some of these events unfold, because drilling deeper into characters often leads to new discoveries. But I can rewire the underlying skeleton when the skeleton at least exists.

The hope is that in the end, it reads like the whole thing was effortless, and you would never guess how much work and angst and handwringing went into writing it unless you read this post. Wish me luck!!!!! I need it.   

[2easy4yoga]

People said that a heartbreak is one of the worst pain you ever felt in your life, beside death of your loved one of course.

But losing your best friend is far worse painful.

I'm the type of person who rarely fully trust someone over me, basically because I got a rough childhood that made me the witness of my family torn apart. It took me years to fully gain my trust to my Mom.

I've been living alone since 14, when I enter highschool. There's only a really few person that I can entrust my back to, that I can fully expose everything. The Japanese said there's 3 kind of faces that each person have. The one that you shown the world, the one you shown to your closest, and the one you never shown to anyone.

When I deem someone as my best friend, they'll have a peak of what the 3rd face truly looks like.

People told me I can easily befriend people, even when we didn't know each other at all, totally random. Little that they know, its absurdly hard for me to consider someone as my best friend.

Lets call it best friend break up. In my life, I encounter that thing 3x. And those moments was some of the most hurtful thing that mess up with my mental state.

The first one is in senior high school. I'm close to his family to the point I was welcomed casually to their house, raiding their fridge, even when my best friend isn't home. Just a small mistake, and that friendship ends. I never knew what he do, or how is he till now. This one scar me to the point of me not trusting anyone but myself, friendship is just a concept of time that will eventually over.

The second one is in college. A random encouter made me get to know this girl. At first, it was her attractiveness and hobby that made attracted to this girl. Time goes by, it became love. But its not the love that couple share. Its the love for a friend, a best friend.

We share our secret, the ugliest deepest one, we cheerish the smallest things, we enjoy each other company, completely platonic. I've seen her strip her clothes, and its not lust that came out, its nothing. We cuddle up looking for comfort, but never goes more than that. Accidentally kissed once, and its awkward af, never again.

Funny thing is our birthday is less than a week apart, so we used to celebrate it together. We're that close that people thought we're dating, even both of our partner that time are jealous. Another funny thing is, when I'm in a relationship, she's single, vice versa. She made me a woolen bracelet that I still use in my leg till this day.

We broken apart when she's close with a guy, and that guy is obsessively jealous, and we're casually drifting apart. At first, I was clueless why would she pull herself away, no information whatsoever. I finally knew why after years and years later we randomly encounter each other in Jakarta. This one scar me to the point that I became a cold person. Doesn't gave a single fuck of what other thinks, since whatever I do, people got their own agenda and things, I will be focused on mine.

The last one was recently. I know my bro here from a game called Ragnarok. We encounter each other in place names Prontera, in the field below the city map. I was recruiting people to join my guild, when he came in an insult me and eventually join the guild.

Its like we became stupid duo, doing random things together in game name it hunting, flirting to girls, going on war, even encountered sensitive peeps that made the conflict inside the game rose to real life. He would back me up against anyone, literally anyone, vice versa.

At the guild real life gathering, we finally met in real life. We instantly became buddies, starting from where everyone else eating at a fancy expensive restaurant. I let myself out the building, saying I wanna buy a cigar, yet the truth is I wanna buy cheap fried rice outside. Waddya know, he think the same thing lmaoo.

We became bros. He's like my bro from another mother. We hang out at random places, supporting each other through the hardest shit, talking to girls, wing man-ing each other, etc. Simply broke idiot duo.

If I have money, we have money.

If you have money, we have money.

I known almost all of his encounter to girls, from a fling, crush, and exes. From the charming one, to those that destroy him. And I'm gonna defend his honor with everything I had. Vice versa. Remember when I had stupid fling with our mutual friend in your room when you're at work? LMAOOO, sorry bro, I properly clean your room tho, even tho he scold me due to his neighbours and landlord complaining at him over that girl scream so hard they heard it at the 1st floor. His room was at 3rd floor.

I remember his ex that cheated on him that tore him apart. That longest relationship he had, and that bitch surely regret her decision, I made sure of that. There's also that one plane stewardess that used him, and broken him apart. I swear if I ever met her face to face I'm gonna slap that hoe.

His downfall started when he lost his new job due to age limit. After that his confidence drop downfall to the floor. He barely knew how to flirt with girls anymore, he hardly get a job, got no money, his family is in trouble back then. I remember he called me from time to time the moment he start thinking to kill himself. I told him, don't you dare, if you wanna die, I'm gonna be the one that gonna kill you, no one else.

I help him flirt with girls by text, vice versa. He also support me on whatever stupid things I do. Its like, you jump, I jump, right after I laugh hard first.

And finally he get a job, more so at one of the government ministry. There, he regain his confidence. I remember at his first paycheck, he told me to check my bank account. He send me money after he split it to give to his parents and sister. Boy do I love this guy, no homo.

He helped me a lot when I start my perfume business, even tho we're thousand of km apart because we live in different island. I made sure to protect his girl that time behind the scene because we live in the same city.

This idiot broke up again, since his mother doesn't approve of this girl, and this girl is also... How to say it, not a social person? Awkward? Too egotistically demanding? She's a fine person tho, just not clicking on the right tune with him.

He lost his confidence again, think he would be alone. I remember that day, at 2023,I'm at dunkin donuts stall, doing a job over my laptop at midnight when he call. He told me, "dudee, you won't believe it. I met a girl! She's a junior in my college back then!". "I think I'm gonna get married next year".

It was a mixed feeling because I'm afraid that this is just another girl that gonna tore him apart again. But all my fear was wrong, she's the one that he was waiting for all these time. They really gonna get married! I'm overwhelmed omg omg omg finally this piece of shit gonna get married!!!

I told him, only contact me when there's something wrong, since he's on the path to the top, while I'm still figuring out myself. He need to focus so there won't be a slip anymore.

But that's the gong. At first, he called me to introduce me to that girl. It was fine back then. But after that, I feel that we finally torn apart slowly. The laughter isn't the same. The journey isn't the same. The insult isn't the same. Our friendship isn't the same. But I knew that for whatever reason, its for his good.

November 2024 is the month they tie the knots. I'm im the moment where I kinda struggling financially since there's a lot to pay for, and they married in far away town. But I remember our promise. When you wed, I'm gonna be your best man, vice versa. I never forget that promise. Not even once.

I scrap a chunk of my savings and went to that town. I contacted all of our other friends but looks like nobody came because they were busy. Still, I wouldn't miss it for the world, bro.

There I am. At the church. At the very back seat of that church. Sobbing like a girl seeing one of my best bro finally going to tie the knot and gone to next chapter of his life with this awesome lady as his wife. Mind you, in usual state, I'm this cold unseriouss, always joking around, and getting angry at simplest things kind of person.

But it feels like it's not like I went to my best friend's wedding. Its like I'm coming to an acquaintance wedding. It felt awkward. I gather my courage to step forward to them when the ceremony was over, going to congratulate them in person. But I ends up I'm just holding my distance, taking a video of them from afar, while smiling.

At one point, his wife ask me do I wanna get a picture with them? The usual me would just march on without a care in the world, being stupid, more so it's my best friend's wedding ffs! But no, I decline and said that they better took picture with others and goes to the car back to the hotel, while I retreat to random places.

Its raining, I remember. I'm alone for hours at that coffee shop, waiting for the reception party at 2pm.

When its 2pm, I march myself to the place. Thought I'm gonna see the reception ceremony, but no, when I arrive, the ceremony already ended, people already feasting at the foods. I'm dumbfounded, but its okay.

I try to joke around like usual, eating food while teasing them that I can eat while they stuck sitting in that bride and groom's throne stage. But the reaction wasn't it used to be. Its plain. I retreat outside to smoke, alone, I remember its raining because its hard to light up the cigar.

Turns out there's also member of our guild that came, 2 of them. I met them, share a laugh here and there, and gather my courage to goes on that stage personally. I went there, expecting that its all in my head, that nothing changed, I'm about to annoy him by saying his sister is beautiful 👀. But when I encounter him, its not the same anymore. I'm stupid, but I can feel it. An awkward hand shake, and awkward hug, an awkward small talk, a quick photograph with the groom and bride, and I'm gone out, smoking again.

I knew it, I can feel it. Its the change of era. We're not idiot duo anymore. He already focuses on the next step of his life, and I'm proud of him. I'm overwhelmingly happy because I also know how good his wife is, and I knew the both of them will thrive. I know its the chapter where I lost yet another best friend. Lost a brother. But he's happy, so I won't trade it with anything in this world.

In the middle of that rain, while puffing my cigar, I can hear The Fray's singing:

He smiles politely back at you,

You stare politely right on through.

Some sort of window to your right,

As he goes left, and you stay right.

Between the lines of fear and blame,

You begin to wonder why you came.

Where did I go wrong?

I lost a friend.

Somewhere along in the bitterness.

And I would have stayed up with you all night,

Had I known how to save a life.

It's officially the end of an era.

To my bro, I wish you all the happiness in the world with your new small family. Once again, congratulations to the both of you.

I wish you would always remember that I'm one call away if you ever in trouble, I came out running with all my might to deal at whatever troubling you. One call away. I promise you that. You know I never break my promise.

I'm sorry that I can only gift you a small amount of money. But if I had 100, you know that I would gave you 90. Because you're my bro. When I have money, we have money, remember?

You used to say to me when we're still playing that online game, "hurry up and log in you idiot!".

So this is me, Kumon, officially Logged Out.

I'm always gonna cheer for you on the sideline.

Have a good life, brother.

No Homo motherfucker.

[dawnofrosa]

have you ever adored someone? a crush? falling in love is the greatest feeling!

i did have a crush and hilariously, it happened on October 3rd (lol mean girls reference skskks). Let’s start with the first letter of his name M. Hear me out, our first encounter was something akin to airy and awkward but cute. We were in class and I stood up and walked, and suddenly he was in front of me and we both tried to move away only to end up meeting halfway. Then we both chuckled. He grabbed me once, out of accident because I almost fell and he immediately teared it away. Maybe out of awareness that he might make me uncomfortable. I kind of missed him! Let’s say he’s one of those boys who makes me feel different amongst them. Falling in love?? Never actually thought of it.

[kskfkakkdnsna]

I have a two day grieving period every weekend where i grieve all the awkward, weird sht my socially anxious ass did during the week.

[eruden-writes]

Your Dark Reveries - Part 1

Part 1 | Part 2 (coming soon)

Special Note: There is a 3rd POV version of this story!

A few years out of a bad relationship, you finally found yourself ready to embark on the next step of your self-discovery: Sexual Satisfaction. And there was just a place to do that!

Within the walls of Reveries, an adult amusement park tailored for lascivious fantasies, there's another area: Dark Reveries, where the more eyebrow-raising encounters lay.

However, when a co-worker stumbles upon you after one of your Dark Reveries scenes, they strip away all the confidence and safety you had taken years to rebuild. In an effort to live up to their "patron safety is our #1 concern" claim, Reveries offers to give you a safe place to stay.

That place just happens to be a large house, home to a number of the Reveries' non-human employees you have played with in the past. Along with some new faces.

Traversing the awkward waters of living with sex workers you solicited service from, and struggling to reclaim that which was taken from you again, you strive to find a comfortable place among your new roommates.

Well, at least until it is time for you to leave, of course.

*★,°*:.☆:*.°★* *★,°*:.☆:*.°★* 。

It wasn’t your first time at the city’s Reveries, the adult amusement park that catered to salacious fantasies. Where one could indulge in a range of raunchy interactions with other park-goers, from public dalliances with companions to casual fucks with strangers to literal orgies. 

It wasn’t simply an open space to fuck, either. There were fake grocery stores and boutiques with padded fitting rooms; furnished houses with running water; fake office buildings with plenty of supply closets and elevators; beaches and forests and more. Any fantasy one had, Reveries could cater to it. 

Further, the whole place was enchanted with contraceptive charms and sorcery to ensure health and safety. Not to mention a strict adherence to safety phrases. In this city, Reveries chose the simple red light, yellow light, and green light method. Red for stop; yellow for slow down; and green for go. 

However, Reveries had a darker side, which was where you found yourself now. Dark Reveries, as it was aptly named, provided a safe and secure place for patrons to enjoy harsher fantasies. Consensual non-consent dressed up an array of scenes: medieval trappings or easily abused power dynamics at work or even something with a science fiction flavor. 

In order to even enter Dark Reveries, patrons had to sit through a class on basic safety. Reaffirming the usage of safe words, explaining the different kinds of play available - including implements from whips to knives to ropes and more - and understanding one’s limits.

Further, Dark Reveries provided partners for patrons, rather than allowing patrons to dally with one another like in their ‘lighter’ side. Employees of Dark Reveries were trained in the scenes, skilled enough to act out roles, but were aware how to monitor their playmates safety and health. Patron-on-patron play could come about, but it was rarer in Dark Reveries. If only due to liability.

After verifying your identity at the gates of Dark Reveries, you stepped into the home of illicit fantasy. Thankfully, it wasn’t excessively busy. Which was exactly your reason for choosing a Sunday evening. Fewer people indulged in Reveries and Dark Reveries on a Sunday. According to your research, with work or college the next day - or perhaps for religious reasons - fewer people attended the tawdry funzone.

Although, there still seemed to be plenty of other parkgoers, in spite of your carefully chosen timeframe. You tried to ignore the nervousness that realization made. It was fine. Everyone was here for the same thing, after all. Who was going to judge you? Even if you ran into a co-worker, they were literally in the same place as you!

Instead, you took in the layout of the place. It was a lot like a conventional amusement park, except it was mostly attractions rather than rides lining the path. Well, depending on how you defined rides, you decided with a little amused smile. Glancing up at the darkened sky, you could faintly see the faint shimmer of a protective spell, meant to shield patrons from above-head viewers such as those in flight or camera-carrying drones.

Continuing your  way along the path, glanced at the ‘scenes’ available or active. Some fantasies were more fully on display than others, entwining public sex with whatever darker fantasy was being played out. 

There were sets depicting alleyways or storefronts with large street-facing windows. There was even an area that looked like a quaint neighborhood. From those areas, salacious sounds could be heard. Moans and groans, the snap of whips, howls of delight, play-acting screams of dissent.

Worrying at your bottom lip, you tried to ignore the anxiousness-delighted buzz those particular noises made in your lower stomach. You could only imagine the ruckus on a busier day.

Other fantasies took place within buildings, honoring patrons' desires to play without being watched by interlopers. Possibly adding to a particular element, such as the scene being a sneaky abuse of power. Or something fantastical, like on a stranded spaceship set with only a tentacley stowaway for company. That was another attraction in the pamphlet, you recalled.

Those kinds of fantasies merely had the name of the attraction plastered on the side of the building. Glimpsing over the names, you attempted to remember what sort of scenes went on there. 

The Hospital, where patients could be subjected to a doctor’s or nurse’s whims, whether that was somnophilia, bondage, needle play, or more.

The Workplace, where bosses and employees also explored power dynamics, plus blackmail or coercion or humiliation. 

The Hotel, the Space Station, the Stranded Spaceship, the Pirate Ship, the Enemy Castle, the Caves, the Nowhere, the Labyrinth, and more. There were simply so many options, so many possibilities, it made You squirm.

The only one that was different was the Subway, which was an actual train that rolled on a path around Dark Reverie, usually traveling within tunnels. The stops, to let on or let off patrons, were open. You knew from reading the pamphlet there were separate sections on the train for playing patrons - those enacting a scene with employees - and those who either wished to view or not view the show.

Over the years, you had heard all about Dark Reveries from your friends over the years. Well, when you had friends. Mostly when you were just breaching adulthood in college. To think, that was over fifteen years ago. You shook her head, dislodging the thought. 

There was no point dwelling on the past. Tonight was about you. About what you wanted. It had taken years to get the nerve to try Dark Reveries and, tonight, you were there. 

And ready to be dicked down by many non-human cocks, digits, tongues, and whatever else they could penetrate with.

A conflicting sense of excitement and apprehension shot through you, at that thought. At the back of your head, your ex’s faint insults started to bubble forth. Brusquely, you shook your head, trying to dislodge the thought of him entirely. You didn’t want to think about Henry at a time like this. Absolutely not. This was a night for your sexual exploration.

That was easier said than done as Henry’s voice increased in your thoughts. At your sides, your hands curled into fists, lips pressing tight. It was so unfair, being haunted by your ex’s words after you both had cut ties.

“Hey, you doing okay?” 

You jerked back to the here-and-now, attention wheeling to the stranger who had spoken. 

They were a hulking beast of a person, taller than you by a head and a half. Their large ears, reminiscent of bat ears, made them seem all the bigger. Their sweatshirt didn’t help slim down their largeness, but their jeans certainly fit well to their muscular thighs and calves. 

Sepia brown skin flecked with white freckles. Their strawberry blonde hair hung to their shoulders, a goatee on their chin. Their hair shade matched the fur that sprouted down the back of their neck and - from You could see - along the back of their shoulders. 

Their eyes matched the golden rings, lining the shell of their ear in rows of three. A dark, almost dog-like, nose pressed squat to their face. Faintly, she realized they had tusks like an orc, though smaller and rather blunt.

Though they reminded her of a cross between a werewolf and an orc, you soon realized they were a bugbear.

When you made no move to speak, just staring wide-eyed and not answering, they cocked their head to the side. The movement made the rings in their ears sway. With hand motions you recognized as sign language, they tried again. This time with both speech and sign with their massive hands. “Are you hearing-impaired? I can sign. Are you feeling okay?” 

You didn’t realize you were clutching your hands to your chest, until you felt your hands move. Your hands almost moved to your ears, to illustrate your words, but you stopped yourself. It would give the wrong impression. 

Instead, your attention shifted to the stranger’s furry hands, staring at their black blunt nails. “I can hear. Can’t… um, can’t sign, regrettably.” 

“Oh, are you alright?” They asked again, concern pinching a furrow between their bushy eyebrows. “You look uneasy.” 

“I-I’m just a bit nervous.” You forced yourself to look into their face as you adjusted her grip on your duffel bag. With an attempt at a reassuring smile, which probably came off like a cringe, especially with how your voice refused to firm up, you mumbled, “First time on the dark side.” 

The bugbear gave a nod, voice seemingly reassuring as they asked, “Ah, well, you know the light check?” 

“Red, stop; yellow, slow down; green, go.” You raised your eyebrows at the sudden check, thinking that perhaps this was just someone double-checking you knew the rules.

“And you took the class? Know your limits and what to expect?” They planted their hands on their hips, standing full height in front of you like a teacher lecturing a student. 

You hesitated, considering that you didn’t know your limits, before the growing concern in the other person’s face made you nod your head wildly. Part of the reason for venturing into Dark Reveries was to find your limit. You hadn’t had a lot of kink experience, but you did have fantasies.

One of those bushy eyebrows rose, yellow eyes narrowing on you. To yourself you curse, realizing your interrogator was likely a Reveries employee - a concerned one, at that - as they asked, “Which scene are you going to?” 

Instantly, your lips clamped shut, a mortified heat shooting up your spine and across your cheeks. You looked away from them, trying to make your brain and mouth work together. “Um, the-the forest one.” 

“Which one?” Right, there was more than one ‘forest’ in the Dark Reverie, each catering to different kinds of scenes.

You could feel the whine starting in the back of your throat. It was only pure embarrassment that kept the sound from escaping your lips. Bringing your hands to your face, a mumble with both the setting and attraction sifted through your lips, “Beastly Bandits in the Mountain Forest.” 

“Interesting choice for a first time.” This time, both eyebrows bounced up in surprise. The bugbear gave a shrug as you shot them an intensely curious look. A wry smile parted their lips, sharp teeth on display as they answered your silent question, “Most people try Dark with a one or two partner scene. Not a smorgasbord.” 

Your attention dipped from their eyes to the large fearsome teeth lining their maw. Swallowing down a shameful sort of excitement, you mumbled yet again, “Is that bad?”

“If you’re sure you can handle it, it’s not. I’d just worry you’re trying to bite off more than you can chew.” Their choice of words brought your gaze back to their eyes, a smile on your lips. It took the bugbear a second, before they realized what entertained you so. There were likely going to be certain bits of anatomy in your mouth in a little while, bits that the owners would appreciate not having bitten off. 

With a sigh and an amused twist of their own lips, they rubbed at the back of their neck. “Okay, bad turn of phrase, but you know what I meant.” 

Now, they turned a serious look on you. Your stomach somersaulted as you looked away from them, worrying at your bottom lip. Maybe this was a mistake. Maybe you should just go home. 

That prospect made your eyes burn, though. It was like admitting defeat. Admitting that you lacked the strength to do everything you wanted, you couldn’t pursue things you had fantasized or diverted yourself with. It was like confessing Henry had been right about you, about everything.

“Look, you don’t need to know this,” you began, still not looking to the bugbear. With a glare, you stare off in the distance, the blush burning hotly at your cheeks. “But I was in a situation that denied me a lot of experiences during my young adult years. 

“I don’t know know my limits, from experience, but I want to find out and I…” You paused, knowing you were rambling and having to stop entirely to get a hold of yourself. Closing your eyes, your racing heart calmed before you forced out, “I’m an adult capable of listening to my own body.” 

After another breath, you hazarded a glance at the bugbear, still worrying at your own lip. They stared at you silently, seeming to contemplate your words with utmost seriousness. Finally, the uncertainty eased from their stiff shoulders. “Alright, I gotta go get prepped. I hope you enjoy your stay in the Dark.” 

After a wink and a practice smile, to which you only managed an acknowledging hum and a nod, they turned and jogged off. Quietly, you watched the stranger bound off, realizing they had a little bear-like knob of a tail at the base of their spine which poked from a tailored hole in their jeans. Embarrassment flashed through you once more as you tore your eyes away.

Worried that someone watched you staring off after the bugbear, you consulted the amusement park map again and forced your way to the designated attraction. Though many attractions were come-and-go-as-you-please, this particular one necessitated an appointment and schedule. Something about maintaining a preferred ratio of employees to patrons. 

If there was space, patrons could come in without an appointment. But you hadn’t wanted to risk not getting in. 

Pausing at the entrance to Mountain Forest, your eyes widened a little. It wasn’t some self-contained set, like others shrouded behind walls. Mountain Forest appeared like an actual forest, though fenced in. As you marveled at the greenery, your feet brought you through the arch of the attraction and toward an employee at a desk.

After an exchange of information and verification of your appointment, the scene supervisor nodded to your left. “Lockers and changing area are that way, ma’am.”

You turned in the direction they indicated, finding a squat building a few yards away. From a glance, it bore a similarity to the locker and shower rooms at public pools.

“Whenever you’re ready, you can go through the door labeled Forest Entrance,” the scene supervisor continued, their voice trained in the art of customer service cheer. “You will have to walk around a bit to find your playmates. Have fun!” 

“Thank you,” You mumbled, offering up an awkward smile to the supervisor before turning toward the changing area.

Inside the building, it was much like what you expected. A quarter of the area was taken up by shower stalls, another quarter by bathroom cubicles. Curtained sections, all pulled open, gave further privacy for people changing. The far wall had a line of lockers, bisected by a door labeled ‘Forest Entrance.’ 

The further in you journeyed, the harder your heart pounded in your chest. This was happening. No turning back. Not that you wanted to, but it still made the apprehension worse.

Feeling a little lightheaded, your feet led you to one of the changing stalls, yanking the curtains shut with a metallic hiss. You tried to ignore the itch of nerves as you undressed. A tingle bit at your palms, a mix of excitement and uncertainty. Your breaths hitched as your jacket, your shirt, your jeans dropped. Trying to disperse the nervous energy, you folded the thus-far discarded clothing and jammed them back into your duffel bag. 

Considering what to do with your under things, you took a moment. Though you quickly divested yourself of the bra, but kept the underwear. There were plenty of stories of favorite bras and underwear being destroyed in these activities. Plus, you had signed a waiver concerning ruined clothes. It was obviously an issue. The underwear, you could live without. That particular bra, however, was one of the few that fit you comfortably.

Once redressed, you took a look at yourself in the mirror. The dress was a repurposed cheap nightgown, which had been little more than an unfitted block of dark blue fabric with sleeves tacked on. You had opened up the neckline with your minimal sewing skills, showing off a wider expanse of your chest and some shoulder. Below your bust, you had tied some fabric in a belt, tucking the ends in for a seamless appearance.

Months ago, you had spent time in local thrift stores, piecing together outfits for your eventual trial run of Dark Reveries. Most of the time, you had just been trying to convince yourself to follow through. Getting yourself excited with scenarios and research.

Now, standing in the changing area, the Beastly Bandits waiting for you in the forest, a sense of ridiculousness swelled for all that planning. So many others just waltzed in and had their fun. You had to make a whole thing of it.

Smoothing the fabric down over your hip, you sighed. The dress was just going to be ripped off. You really didn’t need to put so much thought and effort into it. But why spend the money, why go to the effort, if you didn’t immerse yourself?

*★,°*:.☆:*.°★* *★,°*:.☆:*.°★* 。

Get access to chapters early via my Patreon!

Please comment, reblog, like, and share! Let me know what you like or what you want to see more of.

Your feedback gives me motivation to write and get new chapters out quicker.

[nevertheless-moving]

thanks again to @dykerory and @willowcrowned for this genius au. this is an incomplete collection of very specific set of headcanons/daydreams i had about a tangential version of your au that made me emotional in the middle of the woods. whenever you feel the time is right, i’m very eager to hear your og version on the ‘but obi-wan, tho!’, because i admittedly pushed this one’s resolution really far chronologically because i wanted batman to be involved.

continuation from here

note: my understanding of dcu is as sporadically informed as my understanding of the gffa. 

newly graduated clark kent gets his first journalism job and starts settling more and more into the superman thing. the rest of the justice league has been around but his entrance onto the scene is the one that really inspires the various heroes to actually start coordinating to deal with the weirdness magnet that is dcu Earth. Clark is in his early 20s. Anakin is in his late 30s.

He’s been living on Earth, without the force, for nearly 2/3rds of his life. He has a close knit circle of friends who were kind to him even when they thought he was just a weird and crazy emo cult victim (the gradual increase of public encounters with aliens and superpowers sparks some awkward apologies, Anakin at 38 just waves his friends off, smiling and changing the subject, neither confirming nor denying his high school ramblings of spaceships and magic. it doesn’t really change anything).

He lives an hour’s drive from smallville, and runs a successful auto shop. people travel from pretty far to check out some of his more wild and specialized motorcycle abominations. makes enough money selling them to rich idiots to fund his free auto-class and auto-repair programs for impoverished communities.

It took a while but he eventually came around to the idea of helping people without physical force (ironically, this is happening around the same time Clark is coming to the realization that he can help people with physical force). Generally respected as a pillar of the community. When people start to realize how profoundly weird he is as a person in a number of inexplicable ways, someone will generally pull them aside and quietly whisper that he was in a cult at a child, no one really knows much about it except that it’s what inspired his anti-modern-slavery work, which is a little telling. Not married. Was in a long-term relationship for like 9 years. It didn’t end well but no-one knows the details.

Has several cats. 

He’s- wistful but settled. He’s been through a lot of therapy. He meditates every morning and night, clearing his mind and examining his emotions in the way Obi-Wan taught him. He thinks Obi-Wan would be proud of him. He know his Mom would be.

Once he gets used to the idea, he never really stops loving the concept of learning just because. Duel bachelors degree in in african american history and american literature, masters in engineering, masters in astrophysics a phd in theoretical physics, another phd in medieval folklore. He’s worked a lot of jobs. 

He was already pretty well versed in astronavigation back at the temple. Over the course of his time on earth, he gets more educated in earth astronomy and physics. With is increased knowledge, his theory for ‘how did i get here’ shifts from slight hyperdrive miscalculation, to big hyperdrive miscalculation, to some sort of hyperlane incident. he realizes that none of the stars he knows are familiar in any NASA database. He must be beyond wildspace, which helps him let go of the last bit of hurt he felt that Obi-Wan never found him.

Then he really learns physics- and- light doesn’t exactly work like that right? He thought it was just primitive Earth understanding but... he gets a phd more or less accidentally, trying and failing to disprove that the speed of life is constant constant.

Get’s another even more accidentally, explaining how alternate universes might form if we assume slightly different universal constants. He publishes his thesis anonymously around the same time metas are becoming a household term, and at least one science journalist speculates on it and how alternate universes might explain the increasing prevalence of wildly different superpowers. He doesn’t claim credit for the honorary diploma awarded to the unknown theorist- he doesn’t want to risk drawing any attention to him and by extension Clark, who’s alien differences are far more of the ‘military experiment interesting’ variety then his.

He stops tinkering with Clark’s ship. He finally gets how it works. Now that he realizes how FTL travel has to work in this universe, tinkering with the mechanical generation and harnessing of the massive quantities of energy necessary to do is startlingly familiar. But it doesn’t matter. No matter how far and fast he travels, he’s never going to be able to get back to the life he used to know. 

Perhaps this is what being the chosen one actually means- he’s meant to live a life without the force, so that when he returns to it in death he’ll be able to somehow...educate? the force? maybe?

Ok, he’s not great at the metaphysical spiritual side of things, but he does accept that going back is out of his control, and he’s doing good here, even if it’s not galaxy altering.

Despite all the therapy, he never doubts that his early life was real. He has his saber and deep, deep down he can feel a spark in the kyber. He can’t do anything with it, but it’s there. There’s also pieces of the utter wreck that was his ship in the cellar, next to the sleek unblemished pod that Clark arrived in. Shortly before Clark becomes Superman, he asks for his help in melting down his old ship to make unearthly alloys. 

He’s not surprised when Clark tells him he met a ‘real’ ‘magic’ user- it stands to reason that considering how relatively easy it is to convert energy from one form to another in this universe (Clark can fly), at least one kind would bend to sentient willpower in a similar way as the force does.

It’s still a little nervewracking showing his lightsaber to someone new for the first time in a decade. Zantana scrutinizes, bewildered. 

“There is some sort of power locked within, but it’s unfamiliar to me,” she admits finally. “I could probably brute force it and force the energy to release itself, but it would likely destroy the container.” Anakin politely refuses. 

Later, after the justice league’s formation, Clark mentions to J’onn that he has a friend who might be able to work on his ship. J’onn is extremely doubtful when he’s brought to a bizarre autoshop in the midwest that looks half-like a roadside attraction. Anakin sighs and digs his hands into the guts of the craft, muttering incomprehensibly and yelling at clark to melt down some pieces from the special scrap pile. A few days later he explains the patches he’s done to an impressed J’onn. When he asks how a human came to learn such things, he’s absently informed that,

“I used to work in a junkshop in Tatooine. All sorts of ship parts came through.”

“I’m unfamiliar with this world.”

“Tell you what, if you ever meet anyone who’s heard it of it, send them my way, and I’ll make your next repair free.”

“Oh! I’m afraid I don’t have any earth money...”

“Ugh, of course you don’t. it’s cool, capitalism sucks anyway and everyone’s entitled to free transportation, regardless of the area they happen to live. I do ask that if you can’t pay for the repairs that you spend an equivalent number of hours either attending one of my free auto classes, or volunteer at a community-led charities of your choice, here I’ll get you a pamphlet-”

So the Martian Manhunter becomes a weekly volunteer at a Midwestern Food Waste Reclamation Facility. J’onn J’onzz ends up becoming Anakin Skywalker’s friend well before he becomes comes truly comfortable around Kal-El. For a telepath, 39 year old Anakin’s Jedi orderly mind is a soothing relief.

(again, Anakin has spent far more time meditating on Earth then he ever did at the temple. Before all this, spent five years dutifully memorizing the Jedi way even as he struggled to live up it’s basic practices. For the first few years on earth, religiously practicing every meditation technique Obi-Wan ever taught him, thinking obsessively about the philosophies he never had time to really process, is just a desperate attempt to reconnect with the force, prove himself worthy of it. But even after he gives up on ever touching the force again, he keeps up the practice, he can’t release his emotions exactly, but he does find peace. The tendency to stop mid-rant to earnestly pronounce made up zen bullshit and then sit quietly for an hour before picking up on his tirade again as though there was no interruption is one of the things many things people find profoundly weird about him)

Kal-El doesn’t stop asking new aliens and dimensional travelers if they’ve ever heard of Coruscant, or Hutts, or the Jedi Order. Anakin might have given up, but Superman remembers his older brother scrubbing away his own tears to focus on helping Clark calm down enough to touch the floor again. The more the Kryptonian’s powers developed in alarming ways, the more Anakin set aside talk of missing his home galaxy. Anakin might have claimed it wasn’t like that, but Clark was determined to take every chance his increasingly weird life threw at him, no matter how vanishingly small.

In the middle of his first battle with Braniac, Clark starts insulting his incomplete database. The world collector pauses, demanding a more precise explanation. Clark complies, giving his best technical description of Coruscant’s cityscape, Tatooine’s binary star system, and so on. Braniac is so distracted that Superman recovers completely from his kryptonite poisoning and easily saves the day.

Neither the lantern corp or the denizens of the neutral zone have the answers. Superman doesn’t mention it it Anakin, but he never stops looking and listening.

“How did you even meet that guy?” Flash asks curiously after stopping to say hello on one of their after work laps of the country. 

“Aliens among us support group,” Kal-El responds deadpan. 

“Oh. Wait, what? He’s an alien? I thought he was from the future or something! You’re messing with me. No way that’s a thing. How many people are in the support group? This is a joke, right?”

“Sorry, most of them aren’t out and I don’t want to violate their privacy- a lot of them have high profile jobs. How do you think I met J’onn?”

“SUPES I’M FREAKING OUT RIGHT NOW YOU’VE GOTTA STOP”

Anakin is just sort of vaguely known by a solid chunk of the super community as ‘that one midwestern zen space mechanic’ and no one really questions it because everyone’s life has just gotten so goddamn weird. A few of them know he used to be a space wizard of some kind. Space wizards now being a regular hazard of life on earth, no one has reason to doubt this, and it’s as good an explanation as any for Anakin’s general vibe.

well. almost no one doubts this. Batman does not simply accept Anakin’s general bullshittery without carefully investigating and drawing his own conclusions. He does not share these with anyone.

But one day Clark- this is well after Superman became Kal-El to him, and not long after Kal-El tells him to call him Clark- comes up to him and asks for his help finding about an alternate universe. Knowing and dreading where this is going, Batman stalls,

“Shouldn’t you be asking one of the league members who regularly travels between universes?”

“I have, over the years,” Clark admits, awkwardly scuffing a boot on the floor of the cave. “But no one’s familiar with the exact one I’m looking for, and I thought since you’re a detective, and also one of the smartest people I know, you might be able to help me...”

“You’re an investigator yourself, and you can survive the vacuum of space,” Bruce shoots back flatly. “I’ve told you before Gotham is my priority, and this has ‘personal project’ all over it.”

“Come on, B, please,” Superman pleads, trailing Batman around the cave like an overgrown puppy. “In a few months it will have been 30 years! He’s my brother! Just let me see the research you’ve already done!”

“Who says I’ve already done research on your brother?”

Clark shoots him a look. And Bruce concedes the point with a grunt.

“I’ll need need to talk with him first,” Bruce finally concedes. “Bring him by the cave. Take the-”

“Take the tunnel entrance, I know, I know,” Clark agrees with a grin. “This doesn’t mean he’s authorized to know your secret identity. Thanks Bruce, this means a lot. I’ll ask him tomorrow about his schedule.”

Superman flies off and Batman scrubs his face with a gloved hand. After a moment he pulls up Anakin’s file on the main monitor. Bruce honestly respects and likes the man, as much as he respects and likes anyone who’s not family. He admires his sense his style, appreciates his upgrades to the batmobile, and is impressed by both this civil rights work and his additions to the scientific community.

That doesn’t mean he’s not convinced that Anakin’s brother is a bit insane. Again, he’s not judging! He dresses like a bat to scare random henchmen and beat up actual demigods! He wishes his rogues gallery was as capable of directing their ptsd-inspired delusions and staggering intellects towards such productive pursuits!

Bruce was already in quiet awe of the Kent’s ability to raise an outrageously superpowered being without blowing up a chunk of the country; their success in derailing a supervillian origin story just puts him over the edge. He stares at the three most likely profiles he’s pulled together. Christen Jones, from a negligent family, death certificate filled out suspicously sloppily at age 3. Earl Lucas, went missing at age 9, both parents dead in a violent assault. And Jake Hayden, who at age 5 disappeared along with the rest of his family in a seismic accident later linked to Luthercorp.

Anyone of them could have suffered on the streets for years and coped by establishing an elaborate fantasy world, aided by self medication, only to eventually be picked up by the Kent’s and start healing. Certainly Anakin had the intellect to create worlds in his mind. All his rogues were smart enough to create their own little realities in their heads- it doesn’t mean they were actually reachable. 

Unfortunately Anakin had a Kryptonian younger brother who was determined to actually find the space wizard knight homeworld, even as the 'Jedi’ in question had slowly moved away his reliance on the delusion as an adult. Batman really didn’t see any way bringing up his conclusions to Anakin or Clark could possibly be helpful, and so many alien allies had a ‘If you find about the Jedi please contact Kal-El of Krypton on Earth’ pamphlet that it would be excruciatingly awkward to try and discretely correct anyone.

Bruce was not looking forward to this conversation.

[milktyama]

— ☕︎ IF BY CHANCE

a/n: here are the imagines that anon gave me and gave me permission to expand with my own accord!! thank you anon i love this idea (and also added the song to my playlist thank you for that) ALSO longest work ever done!

— heavy reference to if by chance by ruth b.

synopsis: "if by chance... could you forgive me?"

pairing: 3rd year/adult!kageyama tobio x reader

genre: fluff to angst, hurt little comfort, in spain w/o the s

wc: 2.3k

thank you @kohi-zeri @snoozless for beta-ing! <3

❥︎ two swear words, most obvious n smallest manga spoiler

People like to emphasize how high school will be the greatest and the wildest years of your life. And a major part of high school is exploring first loves and small infatuations. High school love is so innocent and light-hearted and sometimes awkward, but that is what makes it so charming.

That is exactly how it felt being with Kageyama Tobio after meeting him in your final year of high school. Shy confessions were exchanged on the daily, pinkies linked as the main source of public affection, anything more flustering both of your young selves. 

You always thought that meeting your high school sweetheart in your last year was a sign of bad luck. It was way too late for any deep love to actually develop. It would almost feel forced or fleeting, the connection not having enough time to harvest and bloom.

Though, being with him proved that wrong. 

Having him in your life was a blessing from the moment you first encountered him on a rainy spring evening during your way home. You would’ve never expected that that day to become as significant to you back then as it does now. 

A small irregularity of Kageyama Tobio forgetting his umbrella when the weather forecast had explicitly predicted a 90% chance of raining during the evening. That night, you thought to yourself that he was  counting on the 10% chance that it wouldn’t rain, when in reality it was simply the fact that he did not check the weather forecast daily. 

Pft. You would think that being a senior in high school would mean taking up a little more responsibility, but that wasn’t the case with him. His mind still ran on the adrenaline and excitement of volleyball and volleyball alone. 

You saw him attempting to take shelter under a cherry blossom tree in the nearby park. The droplets of the rain reflected the sunlight as they landed on the light pink petals of the tree, giving it a warm and peaceful glow. 

Kageyama’s hair and clothes were damp from the minimal protection he had against the pouring rain. If you had not approached him that night and offered to share your umbrella, nothing would have happened between the two of you. 

You two would have remained as casual classmates, having small insignificant encounters that could be easily looked over: being assigned clean up duty together, collecting tests from people in your row — simple things that no one would ever think twice about. This encounter alone could have easily been part of the list of insignificant encounters… it was just a classmate looking out for another classmate right? 

But the warm kindness you showed him on that cold, rainy night had somehow reached Kageyama’s heart. What he at first thought was a mere act of kindness towards a classmate had sprouted into something a little bit more.

After that night, Kageyama found himself looking in your direction more often. His bright blueberry eyes would wander towards your figure who sat a few desks in front of him. You never caught him staring during class, but his presence was more than enough to burn through the back of your head. 

It seemed his not-so-subtle glances have rubbed off onto you because you would find your eyes starting to linger on him as well. His tall and lean figure captivated you. His raven hair, his blue eyes, his indifferent voice, and infamous “resting bitch face” were triggers your brain could not miss.

The more the days pass with your attention captivated by this man, the more you realize your feelings towards him. It was a rocky but surprisingly short journey, with both parties who faced difficulties with expressing their feelings to the other, but everything eventually fell into place, leaving it up to fate to bring both of your yearning souls together. 

And oh boy did fate put a strong magnetism between the two of you.

You fell in love with Kageyama Tobio through and through. Sure, it was a little awkward at first, with stiff movements and a sprinkle of miscommunication, but after speaking your hearts out, it became clear: you were in love with him just as much as he was in love with you. 

At least that is how it seemed. 

Even after sharing light kisses under the cherry blossom tree where you met for the first time, your hands held in his rough ones, surrounded by the smell in his clothes that you borrowed from his closet. Or passing small notes to each other during class and sleepless nights when you tried to tutor him in classes he lacked on. Or shouting from the top of your lungs whenever you attended any of his games while sporting his spare jersey. 

All these memories seemingly came crashing down a week before your graduation. 

Your ears rang after he utters a short phrase that had enough power to crash your world, enough power to make you feel as if everything you’ve done the past year had been a waste, enough power to leave you on your knees, helplessly clutching your chest as the pain starts to spread throughout your body. 

“I’m sorry. But… I think I’m in love with someone else.”

He continued to ramble endlessly. Maybe it was more apologies, or maybe he was reasoning what he’d been doing with you this past year. Maybe he was word vomiting in order to make this impact on you less heavy. Whatever it had been, you couldn’t hear it. You lost your grasp of your senses the second those words had reached your ears.

How did you not notice this? How could you not see how his glances towards you became less frequent, how his kisses grew more reluctant, how he wouldn’t reach for your hand first, how his eyes didn’t sparkle for you? You only now realized that he fell out of love. Or maybe he loved someone else all along? Or maybe you were just a game to him? You didn’t even want to consider the latter.

Your sight was blurring with tears that you desperately tried to keep in, but they had already fallen helplessly down your face. You didn’t even notice that Kageyama was no longer in front of you. 

When you finally  composed yourself, you could see his retreating figure in the distance with someone else at his side. They weren’t hugging or holding hands or kissing or anything of that sort. But watching the person you thought you could love for the rest of your life walk away with someone else was just too much for your poor heart to bear. 

It has been exactly 4 years since. You  graduated from university and did some intern work during your summers to distract yourself. You truly believed that you have finally picked yourself up and moved one. It was only after seeing him on TV, seeing that he had achieved his dream of going pro, that all the emotions came rushing back. 

You still loved him. You always have and never stopped. Your love for him was so great, so powerful, so unconditional that it never left your system, even after being broken in one of the worst ways possible. 

Maybe if he had loved you then you would still be by his side, cheering him on.  

He reached out to you a few months after your break up. With your wound still fresh, you had truly believed he called to get back together, only to get your hopes crushed. Well, not completely, at least. He called  to apologize again, figuring that back in high school you — actually, both of you — had been too emotionally distressed to properly deal with the situation. 

It was a very short call, 5 minutes at most. His apology was simple and to the point, but that was how he was. He swore he was sorry for ending things the way they did, and ended the call with a promise. He promised to never hurt you again. 

Although his heart may or may not have not been occupied by someone else during your time together, he still found comfort and familiarity when he was with you. Before he could hang up, you too apologized for how you reacted and dealt with the situation, swearing the same promise.

But that promise proved  harder to keep than you had thought. 

You encountered Kageyama once again, but this time he was with someone else. He seemed happy. It was hard to believe that even after all these years, your heart still beat for Kageyama Tobio. It hurt your heart to see him smile for someone else, knowing those smiles used to be for you. It hurt your heart to know that you were no longer the reason for his smiles being so wide, so genuine. 

You wondered if  he still recalled the memories the two of you shared. If he still sang along to the song  you two spent weeks choosing and claimed as “your song” or if he skipped it. If he still reacted to advertisements that featured your favorite lip balm, the one he loved tasting on your lips whenever you kissed. If he remembered the future plans you talked about, where the two of you would live in a comfortable apartment and how the interior would be decorated; how you would spend nights dancing around the living room. 

Either way, you were no longer part of his life. He had found someone else to dedicate his heart to. As if to confirm the dilemma that has plagued you for so long, Kageyama leaned into a kiss to the forehead of his partner, smiling as he pulled away whilst leaning his head onto his partner. 

Tears brimmed in the corners of your eyes. You ran, allowing your body to take you wherever it pleased, hot tears falling helplessly from your eyes continuously. 

So much for keeping a promise. 

Your feet finally stopped, tired, your eyes worn out from crying. You slowly took in your surroundings as you felt the warm breeze of a spring evening, soft petals tickling your sensitive skin. It was quite obvious where your heart belonged. 

You found yourself under the tree where you first met him. Where you two would often sit and exchange fleeting kisses or a small treat, feeding each other with fond eyes. The wind blew past you as the petals from the cherry blossom tree slowly fell, surrounding you in a cozy ambiance that left a bittersweet taste in your mouth. 

As your legs finally gave up at the memory that came rushing into your head, you heard footsteps that sounded like they were approaching your way. A piece of light blue cloth neatly folded entered your line of vision. Your eyes shot up to the tall figure that was now towering over you. His body faced you, however his eyes did not meet yours. 

You hesitated before slowly reaching out for the handkerchief in his hand,  avoiding his eyes as well. 

“I’m sorry…” was all that came out from his lips. There was a moment of silence, disrupted every now and then by a couple of sniffles. Kageyama tried speaking again. 

“I’m sorry for hurting you again, even after I promised you I wouldn’t.” 

“It’s fine…” you managed to choke out, voice slightly cracking. You thought you sounded pathetic. You two broke up four years ago, for fuck’s sake! A lump formed in your throat again, a mix of the remains of old memories and your own consciousness trying to bring some sense into your pained heart. 

“If by chance… could you forgive me? For breaking the promise I mean,” Kageyama asked. His words were gentle and soft, maybe a little sweet like honey, attempting to cover up any harshness. It was clear he did not want to hurt you for any longer. His blueberry eyes that you missed so much had a small sparkle to them. You wondered what that sparkle meant. 

Was it because he still loved you? Did he miss you the way you missed him? Or maybe he only felt pity for you. Maybe he was hoping for something more. What could he be possibly hopeful for? Your forgiveness? It wasn’t like you were mad at him. Afterall, it was your own fault for falling so deeply in love with him. As painful and bitter as it was, you tried your best to pull your lips upwards.

It was the saddest smile he had ever seen. 

Voices in your head screamed at the pain you felt in your heart, but your head reasoned that this was not his fault. You had to let go, once and for all. 

“Of course I forgive you.” 

The words vibrated through your skull. Your head forgave him, your self-conscious told your heart to forgive him, but in the end, it wouldn’t succumb to logic so easily. You thought with your heart rather than your head, and you absolutely hated it. You broke too easily and gave in to the way your heart beated instead of the words that were trying to break through your thick skull. 

The sun sets, warm yellow tones of the fleeting rays of sunlight shone upon the pale pink petals of the cherry blossom tree. The petals turned into a light orange colour as they fell ever so elegantly from the branches above you, surrounding your figure on the ground.

You clutched your knees to your body as you watched his figure stray from you, slowly getting further and further away. Memories from the first time you met under this same tree flooded into your head as a single tear droplet slid down your right cheek.

You felt a lump at the back of your throat. It was an awfully bitter yet mildly sweet feeling. You didn’t mean to be selfish with your feelings towards Kageyama, but if by chance, things didn’t work out with his current partner, then maybe, just maybe, he could be part of your world again.

[ohplagg]

The Yato-gami I know

Also read at AO3

Summary: 

“My name is Sakura,” she decides to try a much simpler approach “what’s yours?”

The man with his right hand still holding half of his face and with a skeptical look writes on the dirt.

夜卜

Ya…to?

AU where Tenjin never fired Tamanone.

NOTE: Adachitoka never bothered to come up with Tamanone's Tenjin given name so I'm following their example by also avoiding the issue and using Sakura instead

I want to once again give a big 'thank you' to @noragamibigbang for organizing this.

And an even bigger 'thank you' to my lovely partner (@mochakat) who came up with the idea and who also created a beautiful artwork that goes along with this!

It was a day like every other day; nothing new, nothing exiting, nothing special. Just everything really quiet and peaceful and boring.

Sakura, a beautiful young lady with long dark hair dressed in a miko, was starting to despise every second of it. Well not every second of it. Sakura couldn’t really complain much about her days being too peaceful, it definitely was an improvement from those days where her master had his rage moments and fired anyone who even dared to just breathe the wrong way in his presents.

She was lucky that Tsuyu was there that day to talk to master Tenjin out of the idea of firing her, she will forever owe her live to Tsuyu. Who knows what would have happened if she had been fired that day who knows how long ago? ...Was it a 1000 years ago? It’s been so long that Sakura had lost the track of time.

But peaceful days doesn’t mean they should also be boring and lately life had become extremely mundane. Ever since she was forbidden from working in the prayer altar she’s been sweeping fallen leaves from stone stairs that lead up to the tori, far enough that she can’t eavesdrop on the human prayers any more. According to Tenjin-sama “it’s his job to listen to the prayers, not hers” but Sakura knows there’s more to the reason even if he doesn’t say it.

“-hope Tenjin-sama grants that old lady’s prayer.” Sakura’s attention is caught by the gossiping some shrine maidens are having about some human prayer. Oh, how she misses listening to human prayers; learning about the near shore problems and how humans found solutions to their problems, the emotions they felt for one another, the human nature can be beautiful sometimes.

Sakura stops her sweeping as she listens carefully to the gossiping whispers “Yeah. Ever since that Yaboku god murdered that old lady’s son and his wife she comes here daily asking Tenjin-sama to bless her granddaughter academically since scholarships are the only way that child will have a way to pay her studies.”

How unfortunate, Sakura thinks to herself as she resumes her chore of sweeping leaves. If only that Yaboku god would cease to exist, the world would become a much happier place.

-

After an excruciating long and boring day Sakura is taking the last basket of fallen leaves to the trees and bushes at the back of the shrine for disposal. As she dumps it all in the pile of leaves she notice what looks like a head of dark hair among all the orange, gold and yellow autumn leaves.

A bear. Her heart drops and she’s suddenly hit with her fight and flight response. She knows in theory she shouldn’t be scared by things like this but survival instincts wait for no one when a bear is right there.

Without even a second thought she throws the hardest punch she can manage to where she’s guessing the nose would be.

“Ahrg!” someone replies to Sakura’s punch. Maybe she should have given it a second thought.

Sakura frantically apologizes as she tries to check the nose of the poor victim she just attacked. As she does so she notice that the person in front of her was a young looking man dressed in a yukata.

“Here, let me see.” She insists as she pushes the poor individual’s forehead back and tries to move his hands out of the way, but the man rejects her aid between whimpers and grunts as he tilts his head forward and hold the right side of his face with one hand

An awkward silence falls among the two as the young man attends to his bleeding nose, spitting blood from what seems to be a busted lip and probably a lost tooth all the while Sakura just stands there.

“That was a really hard hit, uh? I’m so sorry. I never do things like this, I don’t know what came over me. I really thought you were a bear, which is ridiculous because why would you be a bear? Bears are too busy right now seeking their shelter for winter, they wouldn’t be under a pile of leaves in the back of a shrine, of course not! But why were you under a pile of leaves in the back of the shrine? Not that there’s anything wrong with that, it’s just that it’s unusual- surprising! I meant surprising. Unusual sounds like it’s something bad- which is not! Totally not.” Sakura rants on in her best effort to strike a friendly conversation with the stranger. She sighs and stops her words as she notice that the young man isn’t appreciative of her effort.

“My name is Sakura,” she decides to try a much simpler approach “what’s yours?”

The man with his right hand still holding half of his face and with a skeptical look writes on the dirt.

夜卜

Ya…to?

-

Ever since the ‘I can’t believe it’s not a bear!’ incident Sakura had encountered Yato in several other occasions. Once he was hiding at the top of a tree, other times she found him sleeping in the garden shed and each and every time she tried her luck to befriend him.

He had made it clear several times to leave him alone, that he didn’t want anything to do with her or anyone for that matter, but she was bored out of her mind most of the time and he kept coming back so might as well enjoy the company right?

As the weeks passed by, Sakura found out that Yato was a shy curious individual that just hid behind a mean attitude. The first time she noticed this was when she was talking about her first days as Tenjin-sama’s shinki. As she was talking about it she could tell that she had Yato’s full attention even though he acted as he didn’t care.

Because of this she started to talk about anything and everything in an effort to bait him into participating in the conversation. Some topics were a dead ends but there were a few that she could tell had Yato curious to know more.

-

“But why flowers? Can’t they just say things straight as it is?” This wasn’t the first time that Yato had asked something that to many could be considered obvious.

“Sometimes words and actions aren’t enough to express one’s emotions and feelings. Flowers have different meanings that can help us express what we wouldn’t be able to with just words or actions.” Sakura explained.

“For example,” Sakura continued with her explination, “the emotion of love. You can tell someone you love them but there’s a big difference between the love you feel for a friend, the love you feel for a family member and the love you feel for your lover. Flowers help communicate what type of love you want to say.”

By now Yato had warmed up enough to the point that he was constantly asking questions about anything that she was talking about in the moment.

He asked her about human prayers, about dreams and wishes, about human festivals and ceremonies, about sports and game. He asked about the different types of human relationships, about human entertainment. If humans were involved, you could bet Yato would make a question. He kind of reminded her of a little kid that was just discovering the world for the first time.

“

“Okay, but what about-“ the conversation in the garden shed was interrupted by the sound of a firetruck siren.

“That’s the 3rd one this week.” Sakura sighs. “My master says that some gods have been causing suffering to humans to amuse themselves since the amount of dedicated believers have dropped and with it the amount of things for them to do, that’s why there has been an increase in tragedies in the last couple of years.” She explained.

“That’s awful.” Yato pointed out.

“I know! How heartless can one be to call the killing of humans a game? Those gods are horrible monsters. The world would be better without them.” Sakura expressed her frustration.

“Sorry,” Sakura apologized after a sour and tense pause, “I just-”

“It’s ok, you don’t have to explain” Yato suddenly interrupts as his voice crack in the process. “I feel the same way.”

-

“Anything interesting happened today, Mizuchi?” a young looking man with almond colored hair dressed in a dark Yukata asked as he cooked some miso soup.

“Nothing much, Father.” A little girl with short dark hair dressed in a white kimono sat by the table, waiting for said miso soup. “Bishamonten-sama has lost 2 more shinki to god’s greatest secret, Takemikazuchi-sama is still trying to get a blessed hafuri, and Ebisu-sama might reincarnate soon again.”

“What about our Yaboku dear?” the man asked over his shoulder.

“He’s been going to Tenjin-sama’s shrine quiet a lot lately. I think I’ve seen him talking to a shrine maiden a few times. She goes by the name of Sakura.”

“Is he now?” Father halts everything that he’s doing for a brief second.

Father has been aware for the longest time that his son spends his time in different shrines whenever he has free time. Even though Yaboku thinks his father doesn’t know, he knows but simply decides to turn a blind eye to it as long as his Yaboku stays obedient to him.

But it is quiet surprising that Yaboku has spent most of his time in Tenjin’s shrine, even more so now that its winter time. He usually spends winter time at Binbougami’s shrine.

“Mizuchi dear, could you tell Yaboku to come visit me next time you see him? I have something I need him to take care of.”

-

Yato visits Sakura. Sakura is busy setting up some extra lanterns and some other decorations in the stone stairway. Sakura explains that New Year’s is coming and along with it a lot of humans visit the shrine as well.

“Where are you going to be during all of this?” Yato asked sternly, something felt out of place for the child-like curious Yato that Sakura knew.

“Probably near Tenjin-sama, why?” Sakura wondered

“No reason.” Yato’s response was sharp in the tongue. “I have some business I have to attend to in Kyoto so I won’t be seeing you until after New Year’s, okay?” He asked but it felt like it didn’t matter what Sakura answered in returned.

Both Sakura and Yato briefly said their farewells and just like that Yato left. Sakura made a mental note to ask Yato once he returns and seems less on edge to ask him what happened that made him act so out of character.

-

It finally was New Year’s Eve. Everyone’s visiting the shrine. Families with their children and elderly. Some couples; young love, old love, friend groups, you name it. Sakura was loving every second. She loved being close by humans, there’s something about their joy that just feels amazing.

Sakura had been sent to the entrance on her master’s orders. And just when people were starting to pray. But she can’t complain much, at least now she is surrounded by humans and enjoying the happy chattering they have amongst themselves instead of being stuck next to her master hearing the same jokes he makes every year.

As she walked there was a sudden screams interrupts any and all gleeful chat. Everyone starts walking towards where the scream came from. On the road, just before entering the shrine perimeters. A man had fainted and looked like he had a seizure and judging by the reaction of his wife, it looked like she had just seen a ghost.

People gathered around the married couple trying to wonder what just had taken place, all the while some other called the emergency line.

As all of this was unfolding Sakura knew she had to rush to her master and tell him the incident that had just taken place, but as she was turning back she caught a glimpse of a familiar black hair head and a dark yukata.

Yato?

That didn’t make sense, he said he wouldn’t be in the city by this time around. Her curiosity got the best of her and she started following the man that had an extreme resemblance to the Yato-gami she knew.

“Stop!” Sakura yells as she’s lead to the back side of the shrine, where she met Yato the first time. She notice that she’s out of ear’s range of anyone so she decides to finally test out her theory.

“Yato, wait!” the male figure pauses. Frozen in place but with his back still facing her. “It’s you, isn’t it?” Sakura didn’t need an answer. The hesitation in that man’s actions told her enough.

Yato slowly turned around, looking like a kid full of guilt. Sakura noticed he was holding a katana-like weapon but this one looked odd, like it was made of water.

“I don’t understand. Why are you here? You said you wouldn’t be here!” She questioned him to no avail. Yato remained quiet, eyes glued to the floor unable to face her. “Why… why are you acting this way? And why do you have a weapon? Did you have something to do with that man?”

Sakura was furious and frustrated and upset. It didn’t help that Yato still wasn’t looking at her but rather was very focused on the dead and muddy grass under his sandals.

Sakura noticed Yato say something under his breath and as soon as he does his katana-like weapon transforms into a beautiful young girl with short dark hair.

‘He has a shinki’ Sakura realizes.

“Hello! So you are the famous Sakura!” the little girl gleefully greets Sakura, “I’m Hiiro! I’m sure Yaboku has told you all about me.”

“Ya…boku?” Sakura whispers in disbelief towards Yato as he looks like a deer in headlights, still unable to look at her. To say Sakura was confused was an understatement. With just one sentence she had more questions than what she could actually think of. “Yato. Who is this?” unable to put her thoughts into words, Sakura decided to focus on the first thing that confused her.

Yato tries to find his voice, tries to answer Sakura but the knot in his throat is too big that any time he opens his mouth to say something, anything, nothing comes out.

“Come on Yaboku, you didn’t tell her who I was? Some brother you are.” The girl that answers instead. “I’m Hiiro. I’m Yaboku’s shinki and sister!”

“Why does she keep calling you Yaboku?” Sakura carefully questions Yato, as if she’s walking on eggshells that could turn into glass shards any second. Sakura noticed that Yato looked beyond scared.

“He didn’t tell you? His name is Yaboku.” Hiiro once again answers in Yato’s stead. She turns to look at Yato, “don’t tell me you didn’t tell her.” Yato looks like he wants to run away even though he is frozen in place.

“You’re the yaboku?” Sakura seeks confirmation from the man himself even though she doesn’t need to hear anything else. “All this time I thought that- that you- and I thought that we-“ a rush of fury clouds Sakura’s thoughts leaving her speechless.

“I- I can explain!” Yato stumbles with his words, desperately trying to gain his voice back.

“So you used me to choose your victims? Did I lead you to your victims?” Sakura questions in disbelief.

“No!” Yato frantically tries to get a word in “Let me explain, I-“

“And you even lied to me about who you were! You deceived me!” by this time Sakura was yelling at the top of her lunges

“Yes- I mean no! Sakura you got to listen to me-“

“Don’t. Keep my name out of your filthy mouth. I can’t believe I ever considered you a friend.” Sakura emotionlessly says as she wraps her arms around herself and leaves.

Yato reaches a hand out towards the leaving figure of Sakura trying to call out to her but gives up shortly after seeing as there is nothing he could say to make her stay.

-

“Yaboku. You’ve been like this for months now. Its time you snap out of it.” Hiiro pushes Yato’s shoulder as he’s laying on his side looking out to the garden.

Hiiro would be lying if she said she wasn’t surprised at Yaboku’s unusual behavior. They had gone out several times now on Father’s command but whenever they did Yaboku looked so miserable that she actually felt bad for him.

“How about we go to play? That always cheered you up!” Still no answer from his brother. “Sigh. What can I do to cheer you up? Would me calling you Yato like that Sakura girl did do any good?”

Hiiro noticed that as soon as she suggested the idea Yaboku’s face had a hit of emotion for the first time since that night.

“I’ll call you that if you want me to but you have to tell me, otherwise I won’t know. Hiiro tried once again to get Yaboku to say something.

It was close, she could feel it. Yaboku looked like he really wanted to say something but just like it had happened so many times now he got caught up in so much hesitation that he gave up in whatever idea he was about to share.

But this time she almost had it and she wouldn’t let it slip away. “Look, it’s obvious you miss this Sakura girl and I could tell that she genuinely cared about you so she probably misses you too so why don’t you go talk to her?”

Hiiro was right, all that time spent with Sakura was something both of them enjoyed and if he was missing her this much it was very possible that she was missing him back. But did he had any right to go back to her? After he lied to her so much? Yato didn’t deserved her forgiveness, didn’t deserve her time or her kindness.

But she deserves an explanation and an apology. Yato thought to himself.

And with that he got up and left.

-

It was a day near the end of spring. Sakura couldn’t really tell what day it was, every day had felt the same since that night. The only thing that made the day different from other days is that now she was sweeping the Sakura blossoms instead of shoveling snow.

At first Sakura was furious. She felt angry and betrayed. After a few weeks she felt just upset and used. After that she simply felt sad and lonely. With all the time Sakura had to think she understood that she was in no position to judge a god and she also understood that it was unfair of her to cut all communication with Yaboku-gami as if they had never known each other ever. She wished she could talk to him.

As Sakura is taking the last basket of fallen sakura blossoms to the trees and bushes at the back of the shrine for disposal she sees Yato standing by the same place she first met him. That time she confused him for a bear.

“What are you doing here?” Sakura kept her voice firm and emotionless even though she felt otherwise.

“I just came here to apologize for everything I’ve put you through” Yato starts as he hands Sakura some purple hyacinths.

Sakura takes them with a shocked and hesitant but pleased expression.

“I asked the flower shop lady and she said that purple hyacinths mean deep sorrow and regret. That if I wanted to make it clear how sorry I was these were the ones to give.” Yato explains and then continues, “I’m sorry for lying to you. For not being honest about everything. For being a coward. But most importantly for being Yaboku.”

It’s not every day that someone apologizes for their existence so Sakura waited for Yato to explain further before she said anything in return.

“I know I’m the worst of the worst. I kill innocents and I don’t show regret. I destroy and taint all the beautiful things in the world for my own selfish reasons. But I promise you that the me you knew, the Yato you knew, wasn’t an act.

“I don’t expect you to forgive me, Yaboku. But please forgive Yato, he is a little stupid and naïve and new to all this being a good god thing but I promise that he means well and he’s trying his best.”

Sakura takes a moment to consider his words. “So what Im understanding is that you want to be the Yato-gami I know?”

Yato only nods.

“Then I suppose I’ll accept Yato’s apology” Sakura pauses as Yato���s face lights up, “but only if he promise me that he’ll give it his all to become the Yato I know he can be.”

“With your guidance I think I can do that”

[scotianostra]

On July 3rd 1844 the last pair of Great Auks were killed.

I sometimes get a nose, or in this case a beak, for history and this story took my interest when I found it on Wiki a number of years ago.

Now the two Auks mentioned above were killed on Eldey off Iceland. It was from here I searched for more details and found out the story of the last Great Auk in Scotland.

In June of 1840, three sailors hailing from the Scottish island of St. Kilda landed on the craggy ledges of a nearby sea stack, known as Stac-an-Armin. As they climbed up the rock, they spotted a peculiar bird that stood head and shoulders above the puffins and gulls and other seabirds.

The scruffy animal’s proportions were bizarre—just under three feet tall with awkward and small wings that rendered it flightless, and a hooked beak that was almost as large as its head. Its black and white plumage had earned it the title the “original penguin,” The Great Auk is a lost part of the biogeography of the British Isles and the only flightless bird that has bred in Europe in historical times.

The sailors watched as the bird, waddled clumsily along. Agile in the water, the unusual creature was defenceless against humans on land, and its ineptitude made it an easy target “Prophet-like that lone one stood,” one of the men later said of the encounter.

Perhaps the men enjoyed the thrill of the hunt, or perhaps they realised its meat and feathers were incredibly valuable. In any case, they abducted the bird, tying its legs together and taking it back to their ship. For three days, the sailors kept the Great Auk alive, but on the fourth, during a terrible storm, the sailors grew fearful and superstitious. Condemning it as “a maelstrom-conjuring witch,” they stoned it to death. And that was that!

It was the last of its kind to ever be seen on the British Isles. Four years later, the Great Auk vanished from the world entirely when fishermen hunted down the last pair on the shores of that Icelandic Isle.

The description by the men hired to hunt down the last Auks in the would is a sad one;

A trio of men, hired by a merchant who wanted specimens, cornered the last pair on Eldey. One crushed their egg with his boot. Then the adults were killed. “I took him by the neck,” said one of the men of the last bird, “and he flapped his wings.”

“He made no cry. I strangled him.”

And that was that an entire species was no more by man, the most destructive species that planet Earth has ever spawned.

The picture shows “Specimen number 8″ in Kelvingrove Museum in Glasgow, it is thought to have originated on the Icelandic island of Eldey.

[lxserkawa-inactive]

Late Night Showers {K.B}

GENRE: Fluff, Slight Angst

WORD COUNT: 1.5k+

SUMMARY: One wrong turn leads to so many right choices.

WARNINGS: Mentions of insecurity

A/N: Hehe self-indulgent Bokuto x Chubby!Reader content 

Bokuto had a habit of getting lost. It wasn’t a good habit, nor a convenient one, but it was one he had. He even had a habit of getting lost places he’d been before. Places like Shinzen High. He’d been here multiple times for training camps, and yet he found himself lost.

It was around 10 pm, and while everyone else was either asleep or getting ready to, he was out searching for the bathrooms. Maybe his current situation would be different if Akaashi had not been out like a light right after 9.

Speaking of lights, one shone from underneath the door in front of Bokuto. Thinking he had finally succeeded in finding his destination, he happily opened the door. He immediately froze.

This was not the boy’s bathroom.

Bokuto let his jaw drop at the sight of a girl- a very pretty girl- halfway through stripping off her clothes. He had almost no shame as he let his eyes scan her body, seeing the way her plush thighs pressed against each other, and how her hips looked a lot wider and softer than other girls he knew. 

No, this was certainly not the boy’s bathroom.

He was quick to make a surprisingly silent exit, but not before imprinting her figure into his mind and ignoring the blood rushing to his face… and somewhere else. In another swift movement, he made his way down the hall to the boy’s bathrooms.

***

You weren’t an idiot. You were well aware someone had walked in on you and quickly left. Part of you was glad, they didn’t have to see any more of you and you got your privacy. But that twisted, insecure corner of your brain laughed, thinking of how no one could even bear to see you.

You stepped under the warm water of your late-night shower, your mind fogging up like the mirror you had spent too much time in front of earlier. Being so horribly, deeply insecure was honestly tiring, and these showers were some of the only time you got away from that. 

You did, however, dread when it came time to go back to the room you had with the other girls. All the other managers, including the ones from your own team, didn’t look anything like you. You couldn’t help but feel less than them.

As the second 3rd year manager for Karasuno, you’d seen Kiyoko be hit on a million times, by your own team too. And now with Yachi, you could already sense she’d get some longing gazes, considering how adorable she was. You… you’d been with Karasuno since your first year and all you’d ever received were quick glances, that were either filled with humour or disgust.

Sighing, you made your way back to the girl’s room. Shinzen High had a ridiculous amount of staircases and hallways to get through, and you were glad you had a relatively good sense of direction.

However, that sense of direction was quickly cut off by someone barreling into you and knocking you down the stairs you were halfway up.

It seemed you were the one who had been hit hardest, as you tumbled down the stairs alone. Whoever had knocked you down gasped from above you, and you could hear heavy footsteps as they came down to help. You went to push yourself up, but two unnecessarily strong arms pulled you up on their own.

You almost gasped yourself. They had managed to pull you up alone and did it effortlessly. Finally looking up, you immediately recognized Fukurodani’s ace player, Kotaro Bokuto. The owlish boy had basically adopted Hinata (who you had already adopted the first day you met him) the second he saw him. 

“I am so sorry oh my god I was trying to get back to my room before Akaashi found out I got lost again but I got lost again and then I hit you and now you’re at the bottom of the stairs and so am I cause I helped you up and whoa you’re really pretty up close but I’m sorry!” 

It was a long-winded apology, but his last comment brought heat to your cheeks. You, yourself, couldn’t deny that Bokuto was incredibly attractive, and the fact he thought you were pretty was enough to have your flushed and stuttering. You also couldn’t help the fact you were staring into his golden eyes and he into your E/C eyes.

“Bokuto, there you are.” The calm voice from the top of the stairwell finally made you pull away from his gaze. Both of you were flustered and awkward, Bokuto almost tripping up the stairs as he made his way towards Akaashi. You stood frozen for a little longer, wondering if any of that had been real.

God, you hoped it had been.

***

The rest of training camp past as smoothly as a bunch of rowdy boys playing volleyball non-stop could realistically go. You’d had a few more run-ins with Bokuto, but none as intense as that first one. Nothing was going between you.

Sure, you shared glances across the gym, and maybe all of Karasuno and Fukurodani had picked up on it, and Bokuto found himself falling asleep to the thought of you and sometimes you would be so distracted by his games that you forgot to keep score, but nothing was going on.

You were walking out of the gym, Yachi and Kiyoko beside you, when all three of you heard an enthusiastic shout of “HEY HEY HEY!!!” from behind you. You hadn’t even noticed the dopey smile on your face at the sound of his voice until Kiyoko spoke up.

“So… when did this happen?” You could almost hear the smirk on her face, making you stop dead in your tracks. The small giggles from Yachi didn’t go unheard either.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about ‘Yoko…”

“Oh, yknow, just you and Fukurodani’s ace. What’s up with that.” Yachi couldn’t hide her giggle at your red face. You stuttered over your words, before simply choosing to walk away from the pair. Their laughter could still be heard behind you.

Was there something going on between you and Bokuto? You didn’t think so. He was just… a friend. You were just… his friend. Oh shit. You found yourself hating saying that. You already knew the thoughts of you and Bokuto would be haunting you all day, so you tried your best to bury them down.

That didn’t last long when the boy of your dreams thoughts bounced up beside you. It wasn’t hard to see how excited he was, and you found yourself utterly enamoured by his demeanor. You wondered if it had been his previous win against Ubugawa that had made him so excited, or (your face burned at the thought) had it been you.

“Good afternoon, Bokuto-san.” You smiled. Your new found habit of calling him ‘Bokuto-san’ had come from the many times you had heard his friend Akaashi address him as such.

“Y/N,” He drew out the last syllable of your name, a cute pout appearing on his face, “I told you to just call me Kotaro. Especially if I get to call you Y/N.”

Well, who were you to say no to that pout.

“I’m sorry. Good afternoon, Kotaro.” His pout immediately switched into a wide smile, which made that familiar feeling bubble up in your stomach and chest again. You’d barely known Bok- Kotaro a week, so why did he have such a strong effect on you.

“So!” His loud voice caught the attention of everyone nearby, and you didn’t miss your Karasuno boys winking and making kissy faces. Sighing, you turned back to the owlish man, a soft smile on your face. “I was wondering if I could ask for your number…”

That caught your attention. 

“And then, um, I was wondering...” You had to admit, you hadn’t seen Kotaro this awkward since your first encounter. He always seemed so confident and boisterous. “If I could maybe ask you out on a date.”

Frozen. That was the only way to describe how you felt right now. In your frozen state, you hadn’t said anything, leaving Bokuto to become quickly dejected. Just as he went to walk away, you crashed your body into his. It was an awkward hug, kind of like when he knocked you down the stairs.

“I’d… I’d love that, Kotaro.” 

It surprised you. You had expected to go your whole life alone, wallowing in your insecurities, accompanyed only by a few stray cats as you grew old and gray by yourself. But here you were, only on the cusp on 18, holding onto a boy who had made you feel more special in only a week than anyone had in so many years.

And as years would pass, and you and Bokuto would grow older and add a house, ring and child to your story, you still took those late night showers, forever remembering the fateful day you fell, in more ways than one.

[marchioness-caprina]

You Like Me Not?

{ Part 2 }

Go Read ; { Part 1 }

Pairings : Takami Keigo ( Hawks) x Reader

Writing Style : 3rd Person

Warning : Mild Cussing, Stalker Tendencies.

Word Count : 1370

3rd Person's POV

" Seriously? You got a whole collection of Fantasy and Legacies?! " Kirishima gasped as his eyes gleamed with excitement; gazing at y/n who was kind enough to bail him out if the video game store he was in--- correction. They were in.

Earlier that Day; y/n was planning on buying a new game to her Liking since the last few days were spent rather freely with more time to relax and be lazy. For some reason but she's still suspicious to what her teacher is actually planning but hey, who says no to Free time? Especially Sundays.

And in that very shop she had spotted her Classmate; Kirishima who was in a pickle with the store's Manager because he had accidentally knocked over a shelf and destroyed 2 video games.

Poor Kirishima didn't carry enough money with him today to pay for the games he had accidentally destroyed and now it resulted to the shop manager angrily nagging Kirishima.

The look on his face looked so miserable y/n couldn't help but give her Classmate a Hand.

After all, Kirishima was one of the nice ones in the dorm and the two pretty much shared a close sibling like bond. So after y/n offered to pay for it. Kirishima didn't even try to hide his Joy and immediate hauled y/n to ride his shoulder and came out of the store with her riding his shoulders while parading with so much happiness it was contagious.

Now after awhile of the two teenagers laughing and 'celebrating' Kirishima had finally calmed down with y/n still riding his shoulders. The two kept up casual conversations like they would normally do in the dorms while ignoring the stage looks people passing by were giving the two.

" Yeah. I wasn't really intrested in that one at first but After playing the second series it got me hooked " Y/n replied placing her hand on Kirishima's head as the male continued walking.

" Are you kidding!? That Game was so Manly I could play it forever! " Kirishima's wide grin was urging y/n to smile along with him.

Having a friend like Kirishima was very refreshing he took her mind off of things. He's always so positive and cheerful he could shift her mood almost immediately.

" Heh, well if you'd like to hang in my room to play that game I wouldn't mind. I'd bet all my game collection that I'd beat you in the combat phase "

" Is that a challenge!? Because I'll accept it! Real men never back out from a challenge! "

" Yeah, yeah whatever sunshine but you're gonna have to pay me back with your time so I could beat you in video games "

" Hah! Only if you can y/n-chan"

" Oh I'd bet on it sunshine---"

" Well, well, well. What do we have here "

The pair paused in their tracks when a specific winged Hero had landed in front of them. A smug look on his face but his eyes held ferocity and dominance; the type of eyes you'd see from a Male Animal that had his Mate stolen.

" It's the No. 2 Hero Hawks! " Kirishima was unaware or more like oblivious to the deadly gaze Keigo was throwing him.

Keigo's eyes drifted to Kirishima's hands which were holding onto y/n's thighs, if you look at it in a different perspective it just looked like Kirishima was holding onto y/n'd thighs to keep her in place but in Keigo's eyes; He was asking for Death.

" Look y/n! It's Hawks "

" Yeah... I'm well aware of that Kiri " Y/n gave out a quiet sigh turning her head to face away from The Hero.

The lack of emotion from her tone as well as her expression which showed dislike after Seeing Keigo felt like a stab to the side. Keigo's Frustration began to rise but with his impeccable control of his actions and facial expression it was hard to see it that way .

" Well, someone's a bit Moody. Aren't you Happy to see me? After I came all the way here myself to say Hi to you? " Keigo smirked; masking his frustrations with a carefree smile.

" I don't know. Should I be Happy to see you? I think you got the wrong person. Sure I know you, you're the No. 2 hero bit that's it. I don't think I know you in a personal level " Y/n who finally had the guts to face him gave him a small and innocent smile .

Kirishima was slightly confused by their exchange of words was speechless and felt a little awkward.

" Ahh, so we're playing the ' I don't Know You' game. Well I advise you to stop because... It's not the least bit appeasing me at all Little Bird " Keigo stroked his chin; cocking his head to the side.

" Who said I'm doing this to appease You? Nevermind. Kiri let's go " Y/n looked down and gave a pleading look to Kirishima; the type of look where she looked like a dying puppy asking for help.

Kirishima got the message and he genuinely did not like to see a close friend of his in a tight spot Kirishima wanted to help like she did with him. He sensed how tense y/n was and the discomfort on her face was a good enough reason for him to flee.

" Hey y/n didn't Aizawa Sensei say he had something to discuss to us about the upcoming test we were going to have? "

" We did? --- oh yeah right. That, silly me I forgot. Let's go before sensei scolds us " Y/n awkwardly followed his lead and before she knew it; Kirishima was already jogging past Hawks while bidding him goodbye.

Y/n who was being carried away gave a small sigh of relief; she took the chance to glance back and what she saw nearly gave her a heart attack.

It was Hawks; Flying fast towards them with immense speed.

" Kiri Duck! "

" Duck!? Where? "

" No! I mean get Down! Now!--- ahh! " Y/n screamed in fright when she was torn away from Kirishima, Keigo's hands were tighty gripping onto her arms .

Keigo hovered above the ground by a few meters before gently placing her feet back on the ground and jolted back to the sky leaving the two teens stunned and confused.

" What the hell? Y/n are you Ok? "

" Huh? What? Oh I mean yeah... Yeah I'm fine...Why'd he do that though "

" I don't know.... I thought maybe you'd know why he reacted like that "

Meanwhile :

Keigo was seething with anger and jealousy combined. Who knew karma was doing such a great job at biting back his ass like a bitch.

He knew something was up when she didn't show up at his agency, and the day after that and the fucking day after that.

It took a lot of convincing and talking to himself like a mentally decayed crazy person telling himself that;

' she's just mad and she'll eventually come back here like usual'

And today he decided to embrace his creepy inner self and began stalking her. Yes a hero stalking a Little girl like an obsessive maniac isn't something he's proud of but he couldn't help it. If he can't see her today he might go mad and resort to...... Kidnapping.

And to his utter surprise when she finally cake out of the store; she was being intimate and riding the shoulder of another fucking male. Getting chummy and laughing together like .... Like well... Like they're Together.

It took every single fiber of his being from directly ripping her away from that red headed mongrel. He felt so threatened. Like she'd be snatched away any minute now.

The reason why he stole her away from that boy for a second was simple. He didn't like seeing her being touchy feely with another man.

Gods have mercy on the villain Hawks was going to encounter today; he needs to vent and it's gonna get Bloody.

...... To be continued